Tardy Report Cards

On thinking about television without actually writing about it until its too late.

Sure, May Sweeps were ages ago. And those Spring Finales can hardly be remembered. But I've got something to say dammit, and it'll be said. Because this is a blog. And it's been anything but topical lately. So why mess with success?

1. CBS -- I watched nothing on this network during prime time, yet since it and PBS are the only channels I can actually get at home on my bunny ears, I have developed something of an embittered affinity for Craig Ferguson. While his interviewing style needs loads of polish, and his musical guests are way too West Coast, his monologue is probably the tightest in all of late-nite TV. And he has all those funny noises. Man, I love funny noises.

Letter Grade: C- / Ferguson carries this network.

2. FOX -- I miss the X-Files. I tried getting through season 3 of 24 on DVD for a second time this past winter. I failed again. Miserably, too. Plus, they black out all the good baseball games on Saturday afternoon when I try watching them on MLB.com. Bastards.

Grade: F / Someone reunite Bob Costas with baseball.

3. CW -- Someday, I'll catch up on season 3 of Veronica Mars. I can't say I was too sad to hear it was canned, though. Buffy was all downhill after 3 seasons, so at least VM won't have to go through that. And they finally canceled Seventh Heaven, too!

Grade: D+ / I give it two more years, tops.

4. NBC -- Who would have though that NBC could have stolen my heart so madly and deeply this past year. Friday Night Lights literally blew me away. I can't say enough about this show. It's damn good TV; most likely the best drama on television, cable or no. Heroes, however, sort of limped to an inauspicious ending. Sylar is still alive? Who cares? If it weren't for Hiro and Super-Jess, I don't think I'd be interested in season 2. Studio 60, on the other hand, finished up its run (during June, no less) on the upswing. Kind of. I got the feeling Aaron Sorkin just kind of threw caution to the wind and pulled out every TV cliche possible for the last four eps. In spite of all the ridiculous melodrama, this cast really acted their asses off, and Sorkin tied things up quite nicely in the end, giving his lame-duck series the kind of farewell that he couldn't with the West Wing. On top of all that, NBC threw a bunch of really good "quirky" series onto the wall to see what stuck: 30 Rock? Success! Andy Barker, P.I. and Raines? No one watched but me! Brilliant!

Grade: B+ / Friday Night Lights moves to Friday nights! It was nice knowing you.

5. ABC -- More shows that didn't make it regardless of how quality they were -- Knights of Prosperity and Day Break just couldn't take the network heat. Day Break because no one who loved Lost gave it a chance (even though it blew 2/3 of Lost season 3 out of the water); and Knights because ABC doesn't know how to market half-hour comedies. Good job, suits! Then there was Lost. Some good, some bad. After a terrible start, my faith was nearly restored in this series -- until the last couple of episodes. If Locke had actually died, I would have given up on this show completely. More on that tomorrow, because this post is long enough already.

Grade: B- / Let's Rob Ray Romano. Wouldn't you have watched that show?


Overall Grade: C+ / Too many good shows got buried.

My Life's Overall Pathetic-ness Grade: A- / Only because I don't watch CSI Miami.

Last Week in TV, Best Last Week Ever

The week that was. The week that wasn't.

Venture Brothers - Frickin' OMG! This is the craziest show on in the history of craziest shows, ever!! And I probably miss half the jokes from laughing so hard. And it's a two-parter, too! Hank and Dean are my heroes. Sigh.

Heroes - We're almost on the verge of this show making sense. I can feel it.

Studio 60 - I don't care what teh internets say, I'm in love with Sarah Paulsen. Evan Handler, too. Basically anyone that talks real fast and still makes sense all the while saying things that make me smile, we're golden.

Veronica Mars - Things aren't all they seem at Hearst College, with like a dozen character introductions who are all officially suspects by the end of the second episode. And Veronica even recapped everything in the last minute for us slower viewers! Boy, she sure is nice. Sigh.

Friday Night Lights - Just when this show is about to go over the top with the melodrama, it reels it back in with a punch to the gut. Seriously, it's like being hit across the forehead with a sock full of quarters and paper cuts every 20 minutes, but substitute across the forehead with openly beating heart. It's alright that I'm not making sense. You stopped reading when I started talking about TV again.

30 Rock - My gigantic Tina Fey crush of 2001 returns! Alec Baldwin is slimy fun. And Tracy Morgan is fantastic. It's nice to see a funny sitcom with smart writing these days. Hell, it's nice to see a funny sitcom period.

20 Good Years - 20 Good Years? I'd settle for 20 good minutes! Ba-dum-bump. *

Lost - Someone other than that terrible love triangle that is Jackatawyer. And Sun shot that bad bitch down! Did you see that Kim Jong Il? Run for cover cause South Korea will take you out! And a Locke episode next week! it doesn't get much better! Sigh.

Six Degrees - I was disappointed by the opening; for some reason I was under the impression that every teaser would be a ten minute flashback to the bank, ala Alias and their crazy opens (which were often the entire first act). Instead, we learned more from those distracting two-second flashbacks spaced throughout the episode. Away with them! The only thing they accomplished was break after break of the tension the show was trying to build. Let the story flow naturally from the cold open -- you don't need to remind us every few minutes that the shit hit the fan during the stand-off. Bad job tire for you, Six Degrees.

*I'm afraid to google it, but I guarantee that joke has been made 1000s of times already.

A Monday Night for the Scrapbook

Yeah, Sorkin brought the funny.

So Monday night might be my favorite night from now on. Not only do you have a revitalized Monday Night Football to watch during commercial breaks, but you have actual programming to watch should said game suck bad. Honestly, whether it sucks or not, I'll be watching something else anyways. And this is why.

Heroes was seriously the best pilot of the fall so far. Better than Studio 60 even. It was tight, every second was used for maximum effect. There wasn't a single moment where I felt like changing the channel. Each plot thread was interesting enough to propel itself on its own, yet near the end of the show, the primary plot began to take shape as smaller threads intertwined. Not to be outdone, the casting and acting were superb as well. It was refrshing to see an ensemble cast that didn't act like they were making a movie of the week. Heroes will garner its share of Lost comparisons, not just because of its scope, but because it's genuinely good. Everything just clicked. Even the sets and lighting were outstanding. This was fine television, and I for one, cannot wait until next week.

And Studio 60 brung it. After last week's set-up, tonight's episode knocked it out of the park. If NBC doesn't command Monday nights by the end of the year, it'll be a dirty shame, at least as much shame as there is left for network television after having been first doled out to politicians, cable news pundits and mass murderers. I totally lost my train of thought. Something about....dangit. Okay, so maybe The Pirates of Penzance bit at the end was a little meh, but I can forgive Sorkin his little quirks. He's earned it.

So a good night? Yes. And by 11:00ish, the New Orleans Saints ought to have win #3 for the season. Even Harry Connick, Jr. showed up for the game! Could this night get any better?