Since I only heard about 17 new albums this year, and can't remember what books I read, here is a list of funny things I heard on Curb Your Enthusiasm either this year or last year or possibly two years ago, too. This list remains unedited, unlike the one over at Midwest Mindset.
- Wanda: Why'd you fire the black man?
Larry: I fired the black man... because... he's the guy who set up the whole system here and it doesn't work! And he's here like... every week, I'm givin' him checks, we've got five remotes, I can't turn it on....but I know, you know, *black* man can *never* do anything *wrong*, at least to get fired from a job! Black people *always* do everything right!
Wanda: [Walks over to TV, pushes button, fixes it] You gotta turn the damn satellite on for the TV to work! See the little green light? Just gotta turn it on! Or you can fire the black man. Whatever works for you.
- Larry: What are you doing there?
Man: A little plumbing.
Larry: A little plumbing! Got to plumb! Plumb the depths! The depths of hell!
- Larry: Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad.
- Susie Green: You fat fuck! And you bald piece of shit! Where's the fucking head?
[After Larry and Jeff steal a doll's head from Jeff's kid to give it to the daughter of some executive at ABC]
- Richard Lewis: Ya fucked it up! You don't know how to use a goddamn cell phone!
Larry: It was a shit cell phone!
Richard Lewis: A fucking praying mantis could use that goddamn phone!