Day at the Beach

Al Sharpton and Pat Robertson, reverends both, are appearing in a new commercial this week speaking up about the need to save our planet. In suits. On a couch. At the beach.

CBS News and 60 Minutes are reporting that Al Gore's non-profit Alliance for Climate Protection has hired the ad team behind Geico's Cavemen and Gecko commercials to create a series of ads that will bring climate change to the forefront of this year's election. The tongue-in-cheek ads will feature other odd pairings, such as Toby Keith and the Dixie Chicks, and Nancy Pelosi and Newt Gingrich, in order to start a new, national conversation on climate change and environmental stewardship as the two major parties gear up for their summer conventions.

Below is the 60 Minutes story from earlier tonight that has a short preview of the Robertson/Sharpton pairing, at about 5:08 into the clip. It's not much, but I'm sure the videos will be up on YouTube soon enough. What I've seen so far looks like good stuff. It's yet to be seen how it will affect voters come November -- there's no doubt that Obama/Clinton will be vocal about it, but McCain is no stranger to speaking out against global warming either. Will he toe the "business first" line in order to stay pally-pals with Bush/Cheney and the editorial page of the Wall Street Journal? If McCain and the GOP really want to make some noise before the convention, it might not be a bad idea to come out with a strong position either way.

Not to be a shill...

...but the Office is back in 6 weeks. And maybe I will be too.

In the mean time, here's an old vid about summer vaca. It still sort of works. Just replace "summer" with "strike" and we're golden.

Where We're Headed in 2008

My Year in Review and Other Stories

2007 was so full of fullness that I've decided to extend it for two extra weeks. In doing so, I've also been able to put off my end of the year post until January 12th. Because let's face it. The Gregorian Calendar is a joke.

That being said, 2008 seems promising. I have a new position running a new Boys & Girls Club, and even though it's a little more stressful, it's a little more rewarding as well. It makes me realize that I would have made an alright minister....if it weren't for the whole dealing with dumb Christians thing.

Additionally, I'm writing again, which is fantastic. It's mostly awkward jumps and false starts, but it's really fun awkward jumps and false starts. And that makes all the difference.

But what of the blog? Wither my part in the downfall of Western Civilization? Two things are contributing to the attrition of my blogging commitment. One, I'm writing again. Not blog posts, but actual stories and tales of high seas adventure. Or something along those lines. So I don't have quite so many words left at the end of the day. And two, I still have no computer at home. This means every time I feel like shouting into interwebspace, I have to put my coat and hat on and trudge down to the office. It's not so bad. But we don't heat the place well on the weekends. Which builds character, I guess.

But here's the thing. It's an election year. You're probably not aware of that fact, I'm sure, because no one seems to be covering it. But it's true. And knowing the life cycle of this blog, it definitely peaks in years when we elect a president. In fact, I don't think it would be a stretch to say that the high water mark came in the weeks around and after November 2004. Knowing how much I like to loser, you might be expecting me to wax poetically about Ron Paul or Bill Richardson, both of which are fine public servants, but neither of which have my endorsement. Honestly, nobody has my endorsement at this point, because I hate hate hate political parties, but most especially the two-party system we cling to so dearly in these United States. It's like MLB with two teams and only two teams, playing every day. Like Anaheim and Boston, from here to eternity -- major suckville.

But I will tell you some things. Like how Barack Obama seems like an upstanding young man who might need a couple more terms (and one crushing presidential defeat) before I'd trust him with the keys to the kingdom. Or how John Edwards would make a great Secretary of Labor/Education/Health and Human Services/HUD or possibly even AG....but I'm not sure about president. Or how Hillary nearly won my heart the other day by laying her own heart on the table. Or how John McCain still puts the fear of God in my loins and ought to be Commander-in-Chief (though maybe not Head of State). Or how Mitt Romney gives me the willies. Or how Mike Huckabee is so likable whilst no having no qualifications whatsoever for the office. Or how this field, while more inspiring than 2004, still leaves me wanting.

And we'll talk more about this later. Yes, we will. But 2008 is exciting for other reasons as well:

• 48 days until Spring Training
• Curb Your Enthusiasm Season Six on DVD
  
• Chris Paul in the Summer Olympics
• Two (count 'em, two!) solar eclipses
  
• The Portland Trail Blazers
• Pilot Season/Some kind of WGA settlement
  
• Lots of people will do stupid things. Like crash minivans into buildings where people are trying to do the news.
  

• I'm going to be an uncle.
• I'm going to see the Pacific Ocean again
  

True, baseball is under a cloud of suspicion. True, the Blazers might fall flat just like the Brewers did last August. True, I have no money to get to the West Coast and I'm not sure what uncles actually do.

And true, the writers are still on strike. But that bothers me less and less each day. It goes without saying that I'd like 16 episodes of Lost rather than the 8 that are already in the can, but I can wait for the writers can get a bigger piece of the pie. I can wait for a lot of things. Like Arby's. Which I love, but only get maybe once a year living out in the middle of nowhere.

So the future of blogging looks blogtastic. There's life over at Catfish Haven. New pics will be forthcoming over at the New Xanga. I have plans to get back on the music review horse at some point on Bag-Trends. And who knows, maybe we'll all rediscover theology at some point and revive the olde Midwest Mindset? It is an election year...

So over the past year, I've stuck around in Vermont, tried to make it a little more like home, cut ties with Wisconsin, and found my parents in Tennessee. I've given into freak folk and the New Weird America, and given up on ever trying to like The Trumpet Child or Sky Blue Sky. I've perfected the art of IMDB, and developed a man-crush on everything Judd Apatow. I've lost a few friends to the dangers of email friendships, which happens every year, and is more my fault than the technology's, but geography is a bitch, too. My heart is here in Rutland, mostly, with slivers all the way across these United States, sort of like a scavenger hunt, for heart strings, on Miniclip, and Google Earth.

All that to say, this is the last day of 2007 (lies!). The first day of old things made new. My name is Jonny Rice, I live in Rut-Vegas, I'm not all that concerned with happiness right now, but for blogging's sake, I need to have contempt.

Hulu Or Bust!

What is Hulu?

I'm not quite sure yet, but this much I do know: I've been invited to be a beta tester! Maybe they're giving these out like free candy -- I don't know. But it sure does feel special to be testing products for absolutely free so that I can save Corporate American some of their hard-earned money!

For those of you who think the interwebs are still just for email and geocities, Hulu is a new video venture between NBC/Universal and FOX News Corp. There's been quite a bit of buzz over the last couple of months about just what Hulu would be. A corporate YouTube for user-generated content? Or perhaps a new video downloading site to rival iTunes or Unbox?

Well the answer is here....Sort of. I'll let you know as soon as I know. All I can right now is, there's not a whole lot of content yet. And I'm tired. Give me 24 hours, then we'll talk. Until then, I remain everybody's favorite corporate lackey. Good day, sir!

Time To Get Paid

Picketing as Infotainment (In the Days of Web 2.0)

As of 12 hours ago (give or take) the Writer's Guild of America has been on strike. But what the hell does that mean? TV Squad gives a nice overview of how it might affect your television viewing habits. First, say goodbye to new episodes of Late Night television this week. Scripted shows, on the other hand, have enough scripts stockpiled to last until January. However, if the last WGA strike is any indication (it lasted 22 weeks), that might not be enough of a head start for your favorite shows.

The film industry is safe for the time being, with most of the summer blockbusters in either production or post. However, as Cinematical points out, even with the stockpile of scripts in Hollywood, the writers won't be available for rewrites. For X-Men XVII, or whatever the hell is coming out this summer, that's not such a big deal. But it could hurt the Oscar candidates considerably. Should the strike last for a while, who knows what we'll see in theaters come next fall/winter.

The big difference between this strike and the last one in 1988 is, of course, the internet. Even the impetus of this strike, writing residuals for DVD sales and internet downloads, are very Brave New World. And unlike in '88, there is a real and immediate way for fans to keep in constant contact and interaction with fellow fans and even writers. So far, Blog City looks to be overwhelmingly in the corner of writers. 20 years ago, there wasn't this connection between creative types and viewers. But in a Web 2.0 era full of Joss Whedons and Kevin Smiths, consumers of television and film are more apt to side with content creators (especially those with a visible web presense) rather than content distributors (like NBC or Universal).

Just as the web has revolutionized how we consume our content, it's also transforming (albeit, quite slowly) the political process behind how these shows are made. It's one thing for the Writer's Guild to stand up to the "big, bad studios" for their creative rights. But it's another thing entirely for studios to take on both writers and viewers, creators and consumers. Remember, for many viewers, these Studio Suits are the same guys who canceled Freaks and Geeks, Firefly and Jericho. There's no lost love there. If the studios can't bargain quietly (and in good faith), expect things to get real ugly, real soon.

Tardy Report Cards

On thinking about television without actually writing about it until its too late.

Sure, May Sweeps were ages ago. And those Spring Finales can hardly be remembered. But I've got something to say dammit, and it'll be said. Because this is a blog. And it's been anything but topical lately. So why mess with success?

1. CBS -- I watched nothing on this network during prime time, yet since it and PBS are the only channels I can actually get at home on my bunny ears, I have developed something of an embittered affinity for Craig Ferguson. While his interviewing style needs loads of polish, and his musical guests are way too West Coast, his monologue is probably the tightest in all of late-nite TV. And he has all those funny noises. Man, I love funny noises.

Letter Grade: C- / Ferguson carries this network.

2. FOX -- I miss the X-Files. I tried getting through season 3 of 24 on DVD for a second time this past winter. I failed again. Miserably, too. Plus, they black out all the good baseball games on Saturday afternoon when I try watching them on MLB.com. Bastards.

Grade: F / Someone reunite Bob Costas with baseball.

3. CW -- Someday, I'll catch up on season 3 of Veronica Mars. I can't say I was too sad to hear it was canned, though. Buffy was all downhill after 3 seasons, so at least VM won't have to go through that. And they finally canceled Seventh Heaven, too!

Grade: D+ / I give it two more years, tops.

4. NBC -- Who would have though that NBC could have stolen my heart so madly and deeply this past year. Friday Night Lights literally blew me away. I can't say enough about this show. It's damn good TV; most likely the best drama on television, cable or no. Heroes, however, sort of limped to an inauspicious ending. Sylar is still alive? Who cares? If it weren't for Hiro and Super-Jess, I don't think I'd be interested in season 2. Studio 60, on the other hand, finished up its run (during June, no less) on the upswing. Kind of. I got the feeling Aaron Sorkin just kind of threw caution to the wind and pulled out every TV cliche possible for the last four eps. In spite of all the ridiculous melodrama, this cast really acted their asses off, and Sorkin tied things up quite nicely in the end, giving his lame-duck series the kind of farewell that he couldn't with the West Wing. On top of all that, NBC threw a bunch of really good "quirky" series onto the wall to see what stuck: 30 Rock? Success! Andy Barker, P.I. and Raines? No one watched but me! Brilliant!

Grade: B+ / Friday Night Lights moves to Friday nights! It was nice knowing you.

5. ABC -- More shows that didn't make it regardless of how quality they were -- Knights of Prosperity and Day Break just couldn't take the network heat. Day Break because no one who loved Lost gave it a chance (even though it blew 2/3 of Lost season 3 out of the water); and Knights because ABC doesn't know how to market half-hour comedies. Good job, suits! Then there was Lost. Some good, some bad. After a terrible start, my faith was nearly restored in this series -- until the last couple of episodes. If Locke had actually died, I would have given up on this show completely. More on that tomorrow, because this post is long enough already.

Grade: B- / Let's Rob Ray Romano. Wouldn't you have watched that show?


Overall Grade: C+ / Too many good shows got buried.

My Life's Overall Pathetic-ness Grade: A- / Only because I don't watch CSI Miami.

I'll Take Korean Ghost Stories Over Sawyer In A Cage Any Day Of The Week

So I finally got around to watching last week's Lost this evening, and I have to say how impressed I am with the episodes that have aired since the show came back from hiatus. Last Wednesday's ep was no exception. Not only did we get a meaty Desmond flashback, we also had our first glimpse at a Brian K. Vaughan (co)-penned episode on Lost. From the cold open's argument over the coolness of Flash vs. Superman, I had a suspicion, later confirmed during the credits, that BKV had a hand in writing this gem -- the offhanded jokes about "who's your favorite Other" and having to play ping-pong every 108 minutes were especially funny.

Whether BKV wrote them or not, it's nice to know that the writers of Lost don't take their jobs too seriously; it's a treat for fans that the characters on the show seem recognize the absurdity that is their life on the island. Jin's ghost story on the beach and Sawyer stealing one of Bernard's tapes (he is alive!) were fun digressions, too. I think I can say, without any reservations, that Lost is back on track after a disastrous fall kick-off. I'm hooked again. And not out of some begrudged, misplaced loyalty. This show is good once more. Hear, ye. Hear, ye. Rejoice. Rejoice.

Blusic II: Friday Night Lights

This show has got the goods. Last fall, when I was in full TV overload, Friday Night Lights was just one of a number of impressive pilots offered by NBC. These days, however, it's one of only two or three shows I've stuck with through the entire 06-07 season. Studio 60 sort of fizzled and imploded on its way to a slow, painful death. Heroes got bogged down by a lack of zip and interesting characterization. Kidnapped....well, I'm not sure what the hell happened there. How long did it even last -- three episodes? But FNL. It just kept getting better and better.

One of my favorite parts of the show -- besides the acting and the writing and the camera-work and the attention to small detail and the acting (again) -- is the music. I try to forget how often craptastic music has laid low some of my favorite shows (J.J. Abrams choice of 75% absolute shite in the background and foreground and montages of Alias quickly springs to mind). But Friday Night Lights must have some smart people in their music licensing department. Over the course of 20 episodes so far, we've heard music from Explosions in the Sky, Iron & Wine, Spoon, Jose Gonzalez, TV on the Radio, Heartless Bastards, Waylon Jennings, Willie Nelson, the Old 97s, the Go! Team, Whiskeytown, a Daniel Johnston cover, Camera Obscura, Beulah, Broken Social Scene and the Stooges. Even appearances by Justin Timberlake and TobyMac (yes, that TobyMac) seemed to fit seamlessly into the fabric of the show. And I'll say it again, yes that TobyMac.

It helps, that a show this good doesn't distract by employing a terrible soundtrack. It makes the acting and the writing and the camera-work and the attention to small detail and the acting (again) all the more powerful and moving. That I enjoy this show, and that I enjoy Iron & Wine, and that this show enjoys Iron & Wine, sort of brings everything to a harmonious full circle. Yes, that's cheesy. But it's also transcendent. And it's what elevates Friday Night Lights head and shoulders above most of the schlock on TV these days.

And it's just one of the elements that make Friday Night Lights the best hour of television you'll find, this week, last week, and all season long. Keep your fingers crossed for a second season, because if any freshmen show deserves a year two, it's FNL.


*Screencap courtesy of Friday Night Lights Online.

Carson Daly Wants Conan's Job

I knew it was coming. Carson Daly has announced his candidacy for the 12:30 timeslot in 2009 when Conan moves to Burbank (Burbank!) to take over the Tonight Show. While an 11:30 Conan brings joy to my heart, a promotion for Daly makes me want to throw up for hours and hours and hours, then give my eyeballs papercuts while drinking a lawn fertilizer/buttermilk cocktail. This has disaster written all over it.

Please, NBC. Don't do this to America. If nothing else, consider you're old pal Andy Richter. Now wouldn't that be a latenite one-two punch in the face! Come on, feel the Conannoise!

Snickers Bars Not Gay Friendly. Cheetos Next Snackbrand To Bash Alternative Lifestyles.

If you watched the Super Bowl, you most likely watched the commercials, too. And if you most likely watched the the commercials, too, then you probably remember the Snickers Kiss. Two manly men eating a Snickers bar accidentally kiss in the process, followed by the ripping of chest hair in order to prove their said manliness. Funny commercial, right? WRONG!



After a number of organizations representing the gay community doth protested, Snickers promised to never run the ad again. Yet according to this USA Today story, the gay community is divided on whether or not the ad was offensive. Cyd Zeigler, who founded Outsports.com, a sports website that caters to the gay community, thought nothing of it. On the other hand, the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation was outraged, saying "Mars needs to apologize for the deplorable actions of its Snickers brand." Which, incidentally, is my favorite quote of the year thus far.*

Fortunately, in the Web 2.0 Age, we have dozens of video websites where this commercial will live on and on and on, doing what Snickers would have had to pay millions for were they to air the spot on their own. So if anything, this kind of publicity only serves to heighten my cravings for Snickers brand candy bars, deplorable though their actions may be. America seems to agree, with web site visits to Snickers.com up 1478% (though to be fair, a good number of those hits were redirects from afterthekiss.com, the website Snickers pulled that was to continue the saga of the Kiss online).

Snickers has yet to apologize for the ad, and many people aren't happy with their decision. But if all else fails, and Snickers sticks to their guns, at least they'll have frat boys, mechanics and the Christian Right. Not bad for market share if you ask me.


*'Deplorable' used in reference to the actions of a candy bar? Now that's great rhetoric.

President Bush Wants To Kill The Muppets, Then Drink Their Blood And Sacrifice Their Flesh To His All-Seeing Sky-God...

...Then Piss In Their Smoldering Eye-Sockets, Then Laugh Maniacally While Outlawing Gay Marriage, So Please Give Us Money (...was that too much?)

President Bush has a budget. A $2.9 trillion budget to keep this country running for another year. And in his budget this year he's made his disdain known for the Corporation of Public Broadcasting, asking for Congress to cut its annual budget by almost 25%. But don't worry about Grover and Company (wait a tic, is Grover still on Sesame Street anymore? all I see is Elmo when I flip by); it's not going to happen for two reasons.

One, we've got a Democratic Congress. And they looooooove PBS. No dice, Mr. President. Those nasty Checks and Balances win again.

And two, no one takes this budget seriously. Not even in the good old days when the Republicans ran the Capital Rotunda.

Actually, when I said this budget was for the next year, I kind of lied. This proposed budget will keep the country running for 365 days from October 2007, when the fiscal year for the federal government actually begins. Basically, the president presents a budget every year on the first Monday of February. The Senate and the House kick it around for a couple of months, add things, delete things, add things, rewrite things, argue loudly, then quietly add a few more things and pass it. The end result looks very different from what the president proposed, but that's just the way things go -- no matter who's in control of Congress.

This president has run up quite the tab since he took office, turning an annual budget surplus (taking in more money than the government could spend) into a sizable annual deficit (spending more money than the government collected). It's all over those books you see propped up in Borders or Barnes and Noble -- you know the ones: Spend That Money, You Big-Government Jackass!; Lies, Lies, Lies and Where the Hell Did Our Surplus Go?; and my personal favorite, Our President is a Great, Big Douchebag Who Spent All Our Children's Money, Right After He Stole the Election and Invaded Iraq to Liberate Their Oil....Douchebag.*

What my point is, is this: Our president is trying to make up for all that spending by presenting a paper-tiger budget with a bunch of cuts that he knows and Congress knows and really everyone in Washington knows will never be passed. With a Republican Congress, maybe you get a few. With a Democratic one, fat chance. But the president has promised to cut the annual budget deficit by the time he leaves office, which in Washington lingo means, "Pretend to try to cut the annual budget deficit, then blame Congress when your pretense fails, thus cementing your legacy as a 'trier' who couldn't get his way, but was basically a good guy with a good heart so please vote for Condi. Please."

And everyone comes out happy. President Bush looks like a tough, fiscal conservative (excuse while I laugh for a few minutes, uncontrollably, until I pass out....okay, I'm back). Democrats in Congress get a fun punching bag to punch to rally the troops 'round. And progressive groups get a few punches in too, raising millions of dollars with which to fight the Evil Empire in the process (the president is taking away Sesame Street and NOVA! give Concerned Citizens against Abstinence and Coal Power craploads of your money!). See, smiles all around.

Cause it's this game. A game that both sides have been playing for a long time. And the funny things is, after all the blustering about killing Grover or Elmo or John McLaughlin, nothing actually changes, except for the hundreds of millions of dollars that change hands during that whole punching process I mentioned above. If we were smart, we'd just ignore this budget, try not to get so pissy, and write a new budget, a better budget, a budget with little hearts and smiley faces drawn in the margins.

But who can resist scaring the crap out of America? They're taking away Elmo for Godsakes! For the actual sake of Christ-crucified, don't you see what we must do! Don't you see why this man in so terrible and evil and wants to rape your country! Don't you see the monstrous overhead it takes to run this non-profit organization that protects you from this evil man, who is wanting to rape your country!

See? Now isn't screaming that so much more satisfying than reason and compromise? I'll say.


*I'm pretty sure those books don't actually exist. They might. I just haven't been inside a Borders for while to either confirm nor deny their physical existence.

I watch TV by 1's and 0's (that's on the computer, dummy).

Day Break is back! Well, sort of. ABC has finally resumed their streaming of new episodes on their website, after some bullshit about how they couldn't because of music clearance issues. Of course, you have no idea what I'm talking about because I was one of fourteen people who actually watched Day Break before it was cancelled by ABC a few weeks ago. But it was a fun show; more fun than shit-faced Lost season 3. And I missed it. And now I get to see the how the series concludes, so myself and the 13 others who are fans of the show are very happy campers now. Camp fire!

Lost? Lost? W(here)TF are Michael and Walt?! or, Man, this show sure sucks lately.

My top 6 episodes of Lost, airing during the Fall of 2006.

1. Ep1: A Tale of Two Cities -- This one ranks number one essentially because of the cold open. Yeah, holy freaking crap, it was pretty good. It starts in a suburb, at a book club -- and then Benry Gale shows up and you realize it's where The Others live. Then a freaking plane crashes! Yes, a freaking plane! And suddenly it's the mother of all holy flashbacks: to The Others right before our little Losties got stuck on the Damn Island!

The rest of the episode? Meh. All we get is Jack, Kate and Sawyer, with nary a mention of Locke and Charlie and the awesome hatch explosion that turned the sky all holy-hell-white. And also some Jack flashbacks that were sort of nice, but upon further review, actually really annoying. But damn, D-man, Benry barking out orders to that scary Ethan dude was pretty cool. And Juliet knowing the skinny on Jack’s entire past in the holding cell was an awesome "hell what?!?" kind of moment. Good job, J.J. Good job.

2. Ep3: Further Instructions -- A Locke episode! A John Locke episoooode! Ooooooooo! D-d-d-d-d. Say yeah! So anyway, this one was mostly awesome, because it was about John Locke and had a special appearance by the ghost of Boone (with surfer hair?). Plus, Desmond and Hurley got some wicked-funny "Dude, you're naked" jokes to tell. And we learned that Desmond can see the future! The future, Conan? Yes, my friend, all the way to the Year 2000!

While Locke's flashbacks were only half-good (sort of like a ho-ho stacked up against a twinkie), Locke's vision quest/paste-induced hallucination was pretty righteous. But what ruined this episode for me was that the dumb polar bear was back, and that it captured Eko, but decided not to eat or maul or otherwise do him any harm besides just sort of gnawing on him. Pretty lame. Polar bears should only show up when Walt reads those comics, and since Walt is somewhere out at sea, this episode made me kind of want to kill myself by the end of it. But only sort of, because of the awesome naked jokes and the ghost of Boone and how they made me want to live. So here I am, and here we are, making lists.

3. Ep2: The Glass Ballerina -- This was the first Sun and Jin flashback that totally made me want to barf. Sun's having an affair? Big whoop. Okay, sort of new for her character, but still, lamis to the maximus [additional fake-latin jargon here]. And during the whole Kate-loves-Sawyer scenes I nearly clawed out my eyes, and I would have, had I claws to, you know, claw with. But this episode had two OMG moments where I actually think I said, Oh my God! The first was when Benry revealed to Jack that The Others have access to the outside world. What? What!?! Oh yeah, Jack, we get FOX Sports and everything. Here is a video tape. Why we don’t have DVR is beyond me, but we’re interrogating you in a freaking submarine so stop asking so many Doggamn Questions!

But that wasn't the best part. That came when Sun shot that stupid lady in the stomach while Jin and Sayid were trying to set an ill-conceived trap for The Others. Yes, in the stomach! Take that, Others! Our women may be having affairs in lame flashbacks, but they will still shoot you in the stomach should you goad them into doing so by saying "you won't shoot me" over and over and over again! Seriously, best moment of my life.

4. Ep5: The Cost of Living -- This one time, Neil Gaiman wrote a graphic novel called, Death: The High Cost of Living. It was about Death personified, and how she had to spend one day every 100 years walking the earth as a human to better understand blah-blah-bitty-blah. It was good, and was drawn by Chris Bachalo, who is pretty much nails when it comes to penciled sequential art. Then, a few years later there was this crap-filled episode of Lost with a similar title. And I hated it. *SPOLIER ALERT* Eko dies.

Okay, so this episode had its moments, like when Sayid, Locke and the new kids, Nicki and Paulo (who are dumb and will be dead soon so I'm trying to pretend to like them so that when they do die, I will at least be a little bit sad) see a video feed of Patch-Eye somewhere else on the Damn Island. Who is he? Where did he come from? Is he one of The Others? Answers I'm sure we'll get sometime in Season 7. Until then, Eko gets into a fight with the Black Smoke Monster and dies real bad. Had he not died, this episode (because of Eko's sweet flashbacks) could have jumped up a spot or two. But now, with most of the tail section dead, you have to wonder why they introduced that plotline in the first place. You also have to wonder where the hell Rose and Bernard are, and why they decided to introduce Nicki and Paulo when they've got Rose and Bernard hanging out off-screen. Honestly, you've got to wonder alot of things about this show. Like, why does it have to suck so damn hard these days? BKV rings activate! Clean up this mess now!

5. Ep4: Every Man for Himself -- Does anyone else remember when Sawyer's episodes didn't taste like buffalo-crap-on-a-stick? Like that one time he shot a man who had an affair with his mother that led to his mom's murder and his dad's suicide, and it turned out to be the wrong man? Holy sweetness, that was good television! Now we just get ho-humb flashbacks about his illegitimate child and even more ho-hum island stories with Sawyer having a fake kill-switch planted deep in his heart. Oh yeah, and there are two islands. At this point, who freaking gives a crap? Remember that ginormous foot-statue we saw last season you dumb producers?!? WTF was that? I wouldn't care if this was an island chain with a resort on the other end, just re-learn how to build story tension already. It was kind of sad when the rabbit died, though.

The one moment that brought this episode out of the cellar was when Kate quoted Jack's immortal "Live together, die alone" line after Sawyer told her to escape without him. He might be boring lately, and she might have lost all sense of character, but that's a damn fine catch phrase if you ask me.

6. Ep6: I Do – What sucks worse than a bad Sawyer episode? This. Jack operates on Benry. Locke and Company deal with the death of Eko. Kate and Sawyer have gross "We haven't showered in days" sex. And Eko's Bible stick completely misquotes John 3:5. And that's the mid-season finale.

Anyways, Kate's flashbacks were sort of nice, but they didn't further the story or tell us anything new about her character. However, the last three minutes nearly redeem this episode from total pointlessness when Jack defies Juliet by not killing Benry in surgery, then threatens to anyway unless Kate and Sawyer are let go. Matthew Fox yells real good. Someone get that man a Golden Globe. A Golden Globe for good yelling. Kate, damn it, Run! Truer words were never spoken. Run little lovelies, all the way to February when hopefully this show will be fun to watch again. Because waiting for Locke episodes to come around just don't cut it. That being said, God I love this show. Please get better soon. We miss your face.

[Screencap courtesy of lostscreencaps.blogspot.com.]

Season 3, mostly; some Season 2

Since I only heard about 17 new albums this year, and can't remember what books I read, here is a list of funny things I heard on Curb Your Enthusiasm either this year or last year or possibly two years ago, too. This list remains unedited, unlike the one over at Midwest Mindset.

1. Wanda: Why'd you fire the black man?
   Larry: I fired the black man... because... he's the guy who set up the whole system here and it doesn't work! And he's here like... every week, I'm givin' him checks, we've got five remotes, I can't turn it on....but I know, you know, *black* man can *never* do anything *wrong*, at least to get fired from a job! Black people *always* do everything right!
   Wanda: [Walks over to TV, pushes button, fixes it] You gotta turn the damn satellite on for the TV to work! See the little green light? Just gotta turn it on! Or you can fire the black man. Whatever works for you.
   
   
2. Larry: What are you doing there?
   Man: A little plumbing.
   Larry: A little plumbing! Got to plumb! Plumb the depths! The depths of hell!
   
   
3. Larry: Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad.
   
   
4. Susie Green: You fat fuck! And you bald piece of shit! Where's the fucking head?
   [After Larry and Jeff steal a doll's head from Jeff's kid to give it to the daughter of some executive at ABC]
   
   
5. Richard Lewis: Ya fucked it up! You don't know how to use a goddamn cell phone!
   Larry: It was a shit cell phone!
   Richard Lewis: A fucking praying mantis could use that goddamn phone!

Oh yeah! Swears on the blog! Feel the heat!

The End of Your Life?

The TV Revolution is over. I watched 30 minutes of Lost last week. Everything else I'm pretending just didn't happen. I will catch up whenever I have the ability to play DVDs again.

We will post here again, at what point we are not certain. ePolitics, eTheology, ePop Culture....all are boring at the present moment. Until such a time as we want to write about concrete eThings again, be aware of random musings on Catfish Haven or xanga. Be very aware!

End Transmission

Last Week in TV, Best Last Week Ever

The week that was. The week that wasn't.

Venture Brothers - Frickin' OMG! This is the craziest show on in the history of craziest shows, ever!! And I probably miss half the jokes from laughing so hard. And it's a two-parter, too! Hank and Dean are my heroes. Sigh.

Heroes - We're almost on the verge of this show making sense. I can feel it.

Studio 60 - I don't care what teh internets say, I'm in love with Sarah Paulsen. Evan Handler, too. Basically anyone that talks real fast and still makes sense all the while saying things that make me smile, we're golden.

Veronica Mars - Things aren't all they seem at Hearst College, with like a dozen character introductions who are all officially suspects by the end of the second episode. And Veronica even recapped everything in the last minute for us slower viewers! Boy, she sure is nice. Sigh.

Friday Night Lights - Just when this show is about to go over the top with the melodrama, it reels it back in with a punch to the gut. Seriously, it's like being hit across the forehead with a sock full of quarters and paper cuts every 20 minutes, but substitute across the forehead with openly beating heart. It's alright that I'm not making sense. You stopped reading when I started talking about TV again.

30 Rock - My gigantic Tina Fey crush of 2001 returns! Alec Baldwin is slimy fun. And Tracy Morgan is fantastic. It's nice to see a funny sitcom with smart writing these days. Hell, it's nice to see a funny sitcom period.

20 Good Years - 20 Good Years? I'd settle for 20 good minutes! Ba-dum-bump. *

Lost - Someone other than that terrible love triangle that is Jackatawyer. And Sun shot that bad bitch down! Did you see that Kim Jong Il? Run for cover cause South Korea will take you out! And a Locke episode next week! it doesn't get much better! Sigh.

Six Degrees - I was disappointed by the opening; for some reason I was under the impression that every teaser would be a ten minute flashback to the bank, ala Alias and their crazy opens (which were often the entire first act). Instead, we learned more from those distracting two-second flashbacks spaced throughout the episode. Away with them! The only thing they accomplished was break after break of the tension the show was trying to build. Let the story flow naturally from the cold open -- you don't need to remind us every few minutes that the shit hit the fan during the stand-off. Bad job tire for you, Six Degrees.

*I'm afraid to google it, but I guarantee that joke has been made 1000s of times already.

Another Fraktastic Week In Television

Get used to it, I'm officially an addict.

Oh, gosh. What a terrific five nights of TV. I know it shouldn't matter. I know these programs are pure, fleeting pop, and on-air only as long as they shake their money-maker. But I just don't care what the avatars of high culture tell me. Some of these shows....some of these shows tell stories with such depth and richness, it's not hard to see why people don't go the movies as often anymore. Television has real, live genuine storytellers these days. With the guts to buck the trend and tell their tales on the small screen.

Friday Night Lights -- I can't say I've seen a more genuine show this year than Friday Night Lights. And I don't just mean in its portrayal of the game of football. But in its raw, authentic detail to the craft of telling an engaging story. Not since Homicide have I seen a group of actors unequivocally dedicated to being parts of a greater whole, selling their short slice of screen time like their lives depended on it. While it wasn't the flashiest or funniest or most technically sound pilot of the season, Friday Night Lights sure was the most earnest. Here's to hoping it finds the audience it so richly deserves.

Veronica Mars -- Going from gut-wrenching, small-town life to the ever-witty, crime-solving life of Veronica Mars (now with natural collegiate flavor!) is going to be a tough Tuesday night transition. But come on now, sugar. Even though my love for Veronica Mars is roughly on the same plane as my love for Lost, I wasn't quite so VM-hungry for the season premiere in light of my rerun binge (if you haven't seen it, it's new to you!) this summer. Regardless, a good time was had by all. I'm going to say it right now: Veronica Mars might have the keenest wit of show on TV. What am I saying, "might"? It does. This show is solid gold, mutherfrakker, and it held the ratings of its Gilmore Girls lead-in relatively well. The opener might have been a bit complex for new viewers, with all the references to previous seasons, including the subplot involving Veronica's dad, but people, come one. Watch this show, or I'll have to do something crazy. Like move to Vermont. Oh, wait...

Lost -- There's alot of fan criticism directed at Lost because the show won't come out and give any straight answers. What is the island? Who are the Others? What do they want? And a host of others. Some fans want to do away with the flashbacks altogether and get on with the story of the island. But once you do that, all you're left with is a Twin Peaks season two or the last four years of the X-Files. Peaks couldn't last any longer than the Laura Palmer mystery, and though a brilliant show, it ended after two seasons. And X-Files expanded its alien mythology too far too fast, so that eventually its new mysteries seemed half-baked and barely-hearted (in addition to all the internal contradictions). The mystery of Lost is what hooks us; but it's the peeks into the character's pasts that make it so rewarding. There's dozens of shows this year with mysteries, but not one has shown the ability to tell a story like Lost did tonight. J.J. Abram's welcome return as co-writer (his first ep since season one) was badly needed. And I think it's about time we started talking about an Emmy for Matthew Fox. (I mean if Keifer Sutherland can, why not?)

The Nine -- If there's one new show that promises to be as complex and entertaining as Lost this season, it's The Nine. Heroes, while casting a pitch perfect mood and crafting a compelling story, has yet to show the kind of characterization found on Lost. The Nine just about matched it. The flashbacks to the bank robbery serve the same purpose as the scenes in the present do in Lost -- they get under our skin and don't let go. But The Nine is a bit like Lost in reverse. Instead of the bulk of the characterization coming in flashbacks, The Nine will handle the characterization facet in the present; its flashbacks will be what fans want to see more of. It's a kind of near-genius storytelling technique that ought to serve the show quite well. And it doesn't hurt that they've put some great talent in front of the camera (and behind it as well: director Alex Graves, who cut his teeth on the camera-heavy work of ER and the West Wing). All in all, a compelling pilot episode, and tied with Heroes for my favorite pilot of the season so far. The Nine, however, has a leg up on Heroes plot-wise; something I'll get into a little more after another episode or two.

Smallville -- Thursday nights are pretty meh for me TV wise. It's bring home the bacon night for the networks (companies like to buy commercials on Thursday night right before the shopping/movie watching weekend, and networks can charge a higher rate because it), but there's not a whole lot I want to see. Ugly Betty is a nice show, and I hope it makes it and all, but it's not really my cup of tea. Grey's is pretty much ho-hum, and Six Degrees is downright boring. Smallville should be my Thursday breath of fresh air, but this season has been entirely underwhelming so far. The premiere had its moments, but come on! It was the return of General Zod! This shoulda been epic! This shoulda been a two parter! This shoulda opened long lasting consequences for the Clark-Lana-Lex relationship! Lana tried to kill LexZod with that ice dagger thingy! LexZod punched a fire poker through Lana's hand! Clark got the stuffing beat out of him! Yet, ho hum. Super-powered Clark saves Lana from LexZod just after Lana blacks out, which we've seen a gazillion times before. Lex can't remember his battle with Clark after Zod gets exorcised. Again, no beans spilt. Again, more of the same old boring. The least they could have done was stretch this out to epic proportions over the course of two weeks! But I have remind myself this is no Lost, and it probably doesn't have near that kind of budget from the CW. Instead, we get one quasi-exciting episode, then back to the same old same old. If episode two was any indication of the quality of season six's remainder, let's hope this season is Smallville's last.

Battlestar Galactica -- The only returning show in television that I'm picking up for the first time this season is BSG. It was news of the alien occupation that piqued my interest, and after catching a couple of reruns over the past couple of weeks, I was immediately hooked. BSG has all the elements of good science fiction: new worlds, techy spacecraft, and commentary on contemporary life through the lens of the fantastic. But BSG is not your ordinary space opera. It's what's called "sci-fi realism," eschewing bright sets and static camera work for a feel that would be more familiar to viewers of ER or single-cam docu-dramas. In the world of BSG, its hard to tell the good guys from the bad, as the human race (numbering less than 50,000) fights for its survival. Escapes are made, leaving behind friends. Elections are tampered with, by well-intentioned people. And with season three, we have an occupation to deal with, complete with a human insurgent movement, govt collaboration with the Cylons, people being held without trial and suicide bombings. Battlestar Galactica somehow pulls it off without too much "preachiness." Sure there's some, but if Jack Bauer is our post-9/11 James Bond, then BSG is the Star Trek of our current Administration. So a little preaching is to be expected.

Impressions: Studio 60: 103

Who loves semicolons!?!

Our very first third episode! And a keeper, at that. While episode 103 has probably been in the can for a number of weeks, it still managed to deal with a few issues that have popped up across the blogosphere since the pilot and episode 102 aired, all within the context of the show-within-a-show. (Note: To my knowledge, the internets have not come up with a uniform way to differentiate between Studio 60 the show on NBC, and Studio 60 the late-night show-within-a-show.) Please, forgo the headaches and press on!

Issue #1: Studio 60 will never be as popular as the West Wing: To answer that criticism, Sorkin had the entire plot of tonight's episode revolve around television ratings/focus groups, and whether or not Studio 60 (the show-within-a-show) could hold onto its ratings from the previous week. In tonight's episode, the show-within-a show does. In reality, the actual show on NBC didn't (episode two of NBC's Studio 60 saw a drop in ratings; tonight's ratings won't be available until tomorrow morning).

Issue #2: Studio 60 is like nothing on television, hence, regular people just won't "get it": Seeing how NBC's Studio 60 lost viewers after its first episode, this is quite honestly a valid criticism. But Sorkin deals with it within the context of his show by introducing a sketch in his show-within-a-show that most viewers in the focus group just don't get. The producers decide to run the sketch again in episode two (of the show-within-a-show) and the focus group numbers indicate that more people "got it" when they saw the character/sketch for the second time. Sorkin's hope for NBC's Studio 60 is the same. The more often people watch it, the more comfortable they become with the format, and the more they "get" the show.

Issue #3: Sorkin can't possibly write every episode of Studio 60 (like he did on the West Wing), and not burn out at some point (like he did on the West Wing): Sorkin has admitted that he won't try to write every episode of the show, and in his show-within-a-show, Sorkin has Studio 60 head-writer Matt Alby come to the same conclusion. Alby allows other writers into the fold to avoid burn out, just as Sorkin will in reality.

Issue #4: Aaron Sorkin doesn't understand Middle America and criticizes it every chance he gets: This was true at times on the West Wing, and it has been true at times on Studio 60 thus far. Yet, in tonight's episode, Sorkin has two scenes which show he's trying to rectify the situation. One involved a joke about a small-town's decision to replace a school production of The Crucible with the "less-controversial" A Midsummer Night's Dream. The joke was cut from the broadcast version of the show-within-a-show because the cast didn't feel that the small town deserved the same amount of ridicule as larger, more powerful targets like the White House or the Religious Right. And another incident came later in the show when over 400 callers phoned the NBS affiliate in Terra Haute, Indiana, to complain about the affiliate's decision not to air the late-night show-within-a-show version of Studio 60.

Are you nice and confused now? Sorry about that. But until we can talk about NBC's Studio 60 and NBS's Studio 60 (the show-within-a-show) without having to resort to all that wordy blather, I'm not sure what else to do. The solution will come to someone soon, someone much smarter and most likely much prettier than me, and all will be right with the world once again.

Until that day, let's all try to keep up. Shall we?

(Screencaps ruthlessly stolen from screenmusings.com.)

A Monday Night for the Scrapbook

Yeah, Sorkin brought the funny.

So Monday night might be my favorite night from now on. Not only do you have a revitalized Monday Night Football to watch during commercial breaks, but you have actual programming to watch should said game suck bad. Honestly, whether it sucks or not, I'll be watching something else anyways. And this is why.

Heroes was seriously the best pilot of the fall so far. Better than Studio 60 even. It was tight, every second was used for maximum effect. There wasn't a single moment where I felt like changing the channel. Each plot thread was interesting enough to propel itself on its own, yet near the end of the show, the primary plot began to take shape as smaller threads intertwined. Not to be outdone, the casting and acting were superb as well. It was refrshing to see an ensemble cast that didn't act like they were making a movie of the week. Heroes will garner its share of Lost comparisons, not just because of its scope, but because it's genuinely good. Everything just clicked. Even the sets and lighting were outstanding. This was fine television, and I for one, cannot wait until next week.

And Studio 60 brung it. After last week's set-up, tonight's episode knocked it out of the park. If NBC doesn't command Monday nights by the end of the year, it'll be a dirty shame, at least as much shame as there is left for network television after having been first doled out to politicians, cable news pundits and mass murderers. I totally lost my train of thought. Something about....dangit. Okay, so maybe The Pirates of Penzance bit at the end was a little meh, but I can forgive Sorkin his little quirks. He's earned it.

So a good night? Yes. And by 11:00ish, the New Orleans Saints ought to have win #3 for the season. Even Harry Connick, Jr. showed up for the game! Could this night get any better?

More TV Nonsense

Last week was Premiere Week!

Or was it?

There are still dozens of new and returning shows left to premiere, including Lost, Veronica Mars, Lost, Smallville and Lost. But here are my early thoughts on what we've seen so far (and by we've I mean I've, because television is my current drug of choice while yours is baking or the Bible or a successful career). Let's go!

Prison Break - Like I said a few weeks ago, what was a very set-driven show last season has morphed into a Fugitive type serial, this time with a whole host of men-on-the-run. The first three episodes stuck to the "we gotta get to Utah and find the buried treasure" plot that was introduced late last season. There have been some genuinely creepy moments (mostly involving T-Bag getting his hand sewed back on and giving evil looks to minors), and exciting ones as well. But the whole bit with the tattoos keeps going and going and going....it's like Michael mapped out the rest of his life on his blasted arms. At some point he's going to have to start thinking on his own, but I have a feeling that's not going to happen anytime soon. In addition, the whole subplot involving Robin Tunney's character has completed stalled with her death and with Patricia Wettig's (Vice-President Reynolds) bolting for greener pastures on Brothers and Sisters. The Fugitive angle only works as long as someone is actively trying to prove Lincoln Burrows' innocence. We'll see what tonight brings.

Vanished - Vanished had better shape up soon. The mood and tenor of the show are fantastic: they do 24 even better than 24 does 24 these days. But the cast is a bit on the weak side: there's no Keifer Sutherland or Hugh Laurie to really take the reigns and lead this show. Heck, I'd settle for someone like William Fichter, whose been a terrific foil for Michael over on Prison Break. Luckily, another Invasion alum, Eddie Cibrian, is rumored to be joining the cast soon, but the cast isn't all what ails the show. The plotting has been sketchy for the past couple of episodes, with an absurd suicide, a pointless ransom drop-off (which was done much better in the first episode of NBC's Kidnapped), and a Kim Bauer-ish subplot involving the Senator's daughter, her affair with a Supreme Court nominee, and her relationship with her current boyfriend. With Heroes starting tonight, Vanished's days might be numbered.

Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip - I shared my pilot episode thoughts last week, but on a further note, I'm really looking forward to the new episode tonight. From what I've heard around the horn, it's even more entertaining than the pilot, as we get out first real look at the late-night players and into how the show is made. And while the pilot was a little over-the-top preachy at times, future episodes ought to bring the funny.

Smith - I was thoroughly unimpressed with Smith. Ray Liotta plays a great thief, but so does Andre Braugher, and much better I might add. While Smith went with the slick Oceans 11 vibe, it doesn't sit well when its lead characters kill innocent guards during a heist. Andre's Braugher's (short lived?) Thief dealt with the moral ramifications of murder in a way which would have made Flannery O'Conner proud. It was FX-ey without being gratuitous about it. But apparently, no one was watching. So now all we're left with is the CBS version. Joy.

Jericho - I was honestly looking forward to Jericho, until I started watching it. Whereas Lost began with a bang, Jerichoo sort of whimpered along for a good 15 minutes. Remember the first few minutes of Lost's pilot, when Jack sort of woke up on the island, stumbled onto the crash site and started saving people left and right? Jericho had none of that. When the actual disaster actually happened (a nuclear explosion), it was too far away to do any serious damage to the town. Instead, we got two bus crashes: one a school bus which was rescued by the mayor's black-sheep son, and another a prison bus with a bunch of nasty convicts onboard, which dun-dun-dun, was left for future ep