O Pioneers!

Three things that make me happy:

1) My old, worn copy of the The Hobbit
2) Over the Rhine's Doggy Album
3) When people call Asia "the Orient"

(Is number three an okay thing to like these days? I sure hope so...)

Three things that make me sad:

1) Certain deceased persons in the Harry Potter world
2) Certain girls, living in other states, with boyfriends that are not me
3) Certain kids, in Montana, whom I can't visit due to my sudden attempts to "act responsible"

And yay, a seventh thing that is abominable to the LORD thy God:

7) Two straight days with no warm/hot water in my apartment building -- cold showers, like Haiti, only less exotic.

And we are stronger because of it.

Intonation comes to my doorstep.

This is my advice column today, because I have got tons of advice to dispense.

1. Listen Carefully -- Because music sounds much better this way.

2. Hold Open Doors -- This applies to everyone, regardless of gender, for both the door holder and the door holdee. It's just nice. And unlike other nice things, it's totally free.

3. Eat Sandwiches -- There is no better culinary invention than the sandwich. Except maybe the taco. But that's it.

4. Ride Trains -- Better than cars. Not quite as good as walking. Equal to rickshaws.

5. Read Harry Potter -- Because Christ figures with lightening bolt scars and no regard for the rules should totally rock your world.

Also, be wise like serpents, gentle like lambs, and don't ever eat eagles. That's about the most evil thing I can come up with. And only sick bastards would do it.

So don't.

Of Pirates And Their Swarthy Ways

This is what is going on.

At work we have pirated copies of films still in the theatre, playing all day long in the break room provided for our rest and relaxation. Even though the Supreme Court just weighed in (once again) on how wrong and illegal our activities are, still, we remain criminals. Or maybe the act of watching the pirated movie isn't actually illegal. Maybe it's just the actual downloading of said movies that is a crime. Regardless, last week it was Cinderella Man. Today it was Batman. Tomorrow I'm hoping for Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

And while I'm on the topic, I think it's been a pretty dumb move on the part of the film studios to call the act of downloading films "pirating." Let's face it: pirates are awesome. Everyone of sound mind and judgment wants to be one. And by allowing us to "pirate" movies, our dreams come true in beautiful reality. We are pirates now, and strong. Because of this, we probably will not stop anytime soon.

And finally, for those friends who studied at Huntington College, stop by Midwest Mindset for recent conversations involving Dr. Sanders, the (lower-case) catholic Church, and wicked-depressing xanga wars involving Christians who don't understand Christ. We crave voices besides ours, or at least ears to hear. For we are tired, and need new blood. Also, we might be egomaniacs.

Thank you for your time.

Sport.

This is a test. Because my blog is losing all sense of physical cohesion. Kind of like my body in high school after I quit all organized sports.

All I can say is, thank God I'm not Emergent...

You scored as Neo orthodox. You are neo-orthodox. You reject the human-centredness and scepticism of liberal theology, but neither do you go to the other extreme and make the Bible the central issue for faith. You believe that Christ is God's most important revelation to humanity, and the Trinity is hugely important in your theology. The Bible is also important because it points us to the revelation of Christ. You are influenced by Karl Barth and P T Forsyth.

Neo orthodox		86%
Roman Catholic		68%
Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan		64%
Emergent/Postmodern		61%
Reformed Evangelical		39%
Charismatic/Pentecostal		36%
Classical Liberal		36%
Fundamentalist		25%
Modern Liberal		18%

What's your theological worldview?
created with QuizFarm.com

I had a dream last night where I made out with Shara Sieminski.

And I can't even remember how to spell her name.

Anyways.

You know that statement -- "God made dirt so dirt don't hurt?" I was thinking about that today and how wonderfully profound it is and how I wish it were absolutely true and applied to everything there that is in life. Like church. Or lions. And maybe really hot pizza.

Oh well.

There is some sort of argument going on over at the periodical desk in the library right now. Only it is a library argument so the people arguing are polite and speak in hushed tones. This is why books are better than sports bars.

The end.

au coin du monde

Recent events have led me to the following conclusions:

- Seinfeld is funny, even though I haven't felt so for the longest time. I was incorrect, and intend to rectify my error by watching it as often as possible. (Subcategory: must watch Curb Your Enthusiasm as well.)

- Nick Hornby has a new novel. This is good news.

- This whole Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes thing really really freaks me out. Free the girl. Let go and let God. (I have no idea what that means.)

- Soy ice cream is much better than I imagined it would be.

- I watched ten minutes of basketball last night, which was ten minutes too many. Phoenix vs. Miami = Excitement! San Antonio vs. Detroit = Doldrums-Fest 2005. Sorry Spurs and Pistons fans, but you have horribly boring basketball teams.

- Tom Waits and Jesus are somehow related.

- Cutting fruit is something I am only average at. But since it's what I do at Whole Foods for 8 hours every day, I feel like I am making great strides in becoming real-sweet/totally-awesome at it.

(note: photo courtesy of sweetfrenchtoast.com)

It's a joke! An adult joke! For us -- adults!

I am moving to Chicago today, because honestly, I have nothing else better to do. I'm a little bit nervous, and a little bit excited. I start work at Whole Foods tomorrow, and pray to God I figure out how to get there on the train without arriving late. Also, my roommates watch too much reality tv. Other than that they are very nice.

Okay, I'm gonna go pretend that I'm city folk now.

In case you missed it...because I did, too.

Johns Hopkins won the men's lacrosse national title today, defeating Duke University 9-8.

Oh yeah, and Danica Patrick (the sole reason I'm interested in Indy racing, or any auto racing for that matter) finished 4th in the Indy 500 yesterday.

Also, I heard there was some basketball and baseball, too.

vitreous humor

I feel like if I ever saw the Decemberists in concert my heart would break and my limbs would fall off and my face melt into a puddle of cellular goo. Does anyone know if this has actually happened before? I can be mildly paranoid at times, but I'd rather err on the side of caution and rule it out if at all possible.

The funny thing is, you probably think I'm kidding.