Anne Lamott Comes To Town And I Get Surprised By Life

So last night was Anne Lamott night at the First United Church of Oak Park. Unfortunately, I missed the first 20 minutes because I'm still not used to the fact that it can take 50 minutes to drive 15 miles in damn-blasted city-land. Bygones.

Upon entering, I noticed two things: This was a pleasant church (with a pipe-organ and real live pews!). Also, 90% of the audience was middle-aged women.

Now, I have nothing but goodwill towards middle-aged women. My mom is a middle-aged woman. And she's a really good mom. But I've never actually met an Annie Lamott fan who was a middle-aged woman. Everyone fan of Miss Lamott I know is either a college-age/20-somethingish, or has the last name Doughty. So basically, I expected a bunch of people my age, a smattering of elderly church goers, and the Doughty's. Instead, it was mostly just The View x 100, only with lots more gray hair and Bush-hating.

So now I need to go sit in a corner and rethink life a bit. Because if I was wrong about this, I could be wrong about everything else there is to be wrong about in life plus infinity.

Oh, and P.S., Miss Lamott was very funny, very frank, and very much in her element as a storyteller. As an audience, we were very well behaved, I think. There were plenty of hushed silences, hearty chuckles and bouts of applause to be had. Also, her voice is a little bit nasally. And finally, she signed books. Which was weird.

The End

When blogs sound like not-blogs, aka Hollywood films.

From the Chicago Tribune:

He labeled his students "criminals," saying they stole from teachers, dealt drugs in the hallways, had sex in the stairwells, flaunted their pregnant bellies and tossed books out windows. He dismissed their parents as unemployed "project" dwellers who subsist on food stamps, refuse to support their "baby mommas" and bad-mouth teachers because their no-show teens are flunking.

He took swipes at his colleagues, too--"union-minimum" teachers, literacy specialists who "decorate their office door with pro-black propaganda," and security officers whose "loyalty is to the hood, not the school."

Is this real news, or a review of that one Antonio Banderas/Michelle Pfeiffer/Edward James Olmos miracle-worker-in-the-inner-city movie?

Pick before you click!

Oops! All Goths!

....And we're back.

There's a fantastic article by Jonathan Ames in the latest issue of Spin Magazine about his experience at Gothicfest 2005 (held [somewhere] in the great Chicago suburbs). It's funny and articulate and insightful and everything else your college professor used to say when he talked about Anne Lamott. Or my college professor. Or whoever. I forget.

Just go read it. The Yeah Yeah Yeahs are on the cover and it starts on page 64. Don't actually buy the magazine; it sort of sucks. But go read the piece. At like, you know, Borders or whatever. Or whoever. I forget.

Residents for Presidents!

I had to borrow this from j/ac's xanga....

Your Results:

1.	Your ideal theoretical candidate. (100%) Click here for info
2.	Kucinich, Rep. Dennis, OH - Democrat (69%) Click here for info
3.	Dean, Gov. Howard, VT - Democrat (69%) Click here for info
4.	Cobb, David - Green Party (69%) Click here for info
5.	Nader, Ralph - Independent (69%) Click here for info
6.	Brown, Walt - Socialist Party (61%) Click here for info
7.	Clark, Retired General Wesley K., AR - Democrat (60%) Click here for info
8.	Kerry, Senator John, MA - Democrat (60%) Click here for info
9.	Sharpton, Reverend Al - Democrat (59%) Click here for info
10.	Moseley-Braun, Former Senator Carol, IL - Democrat (58%) Click here for info
11.	Edwards, Senator John, NC - Democrat (57%) Click here for info
12.	LaRouche, Lyndon H. Jr. - Democrat (48%) Click here for info
13.	Gephardt, Rep. Dick, MO - Democrat (43%) Click here for info
14.	Lieberman, Senator Joe, CT - Democrat (40%) Click here for info
15.	Bush, President George W. - Republican (33%) Click here for info
16.	Badnarik, Michael - Libertarian (28%) Click here for info
17.	Hagelin, Dr. John - Natural Law (18%) Click here for info
18.	Peroutka, Michael - Constitution Party (4%) Click here for info

...because it just goes to show how thrilling it is to vote for President when you disagree with every candidate at least one-third of the time.

Oops! All Reactionary Racists!

No need to fear, good citizens. The U.S. Congress has saved us from the clutches of the evil terrorists once again. Dubai Ports World, a company based out of the United Arab Emirates, has decided to sell or transfer it's newly obtained rights to operate six American ports to a quote/unquote "U.S. entity." This after two fabulous weeks of racist BS from a perfectly jingoist Congress. That's the U.S. Congress. Or the Congress of the United States of America. You know, one of the most enlightened nations in the world? Or not. Depending on whether we're dealing with Arabs. Which we apparently cannot trust, at all costs, and who must be stopped from leasing any property in America containing boats, planes or snowmobiles.

On second thought, maybe snowmobiles are okay.

It's bad enough that most major security companies couldn't find any good reason why an Arab country couldn't handle the day-to-day operations of the six ports. It's bad enough that no one bothered to listen when the Coast Guard and U.S. Customs reassured the public that they were the ones who handle the bulk of security and cargo inspection. It's bad enough that Dubai, a member of the United Arab Emirates, has been nothing but cooperative since 9/11 in helping the U.S. track down dirty money used by Al Qaeda to fund their organization and operations. Not to mention the fact that the UAE sent us $100 million to assist with post-Katrina disaster relief!

And this is how we repay them? When one of their businesses, and a totally legit one at that, uses the free market (that we Americans swoon over every time we shop at our discount price marts), to purchase the rights to run the day-to-day operations of six American ports?

• Ports which are run by a number of other foreign companies, including one such firm from that gentlest of giants and supreme defender of human rights, the People's Republic of China.
• Ports whose actual security are ever maintained by the United States Coast Guard no matter who leases them.
• Ports that no one in Congress seems to be concerned with when they need some $1.5 billion in unfunded security measures (PDF) as per the suggestion of the Coast Guard and the 9/11 Commission.

Oh, but I forgot. It's an election year isn't it? And we all know the best way to win elections is by appealing to the fears of every red, white and blue-blooded American voter. Even if we have to create those fears by pandering to baseless, bigoted accusations that someone can't be trusted if they believe in Mohammed or Allah.

Racism wins elections! News at 11!

Democrats should be ashamed for jumping on the chance to have a national security issue to bash President Bush on, no matter how baseless it may be. "See," they said, "our president isn't always tough on the terrorists. He almost sold them our ports! Now vote for a Democratic congress!"

The Republicans did no better. With Mr. Bush's approval ratings hovering around 40%, they've been desperate to find on issue to nail the president on, and are clinging to this one like a fly to giant, steaming crapola. Giant steaming racist crapola. Giant steaming racist asshole crapola. With awesome stinking racist pieces of yellow-bellied bigoted corn poking their way out of this newly created pile of hyperpatriotic excrement.

I am making myself clear here, right? How, for once, our President was actually doing the right thing by awarding Dubai, our friend and compatriot in the war against terror, a bid to run a handful of our ports because they've been our faithful buddy in a time when so many in the world hate our freaking guts? And what did our Congress have to say? Was it a warm hearty thank you for dealing Al Qaeda a stunning financial blow to their ability to blow things up?

No, instead, Congress mostly just cried smoke when there was no fire. Draped in the flag. With a giant white hood on. And told the rest of the world that we're just peachy about Arabs running things, as long as they stick to Subway franchises and Laundromats.

Quizes will do...

ETHICAL PHILOSOPHY SELECTOR

The list below is modified by your input. The results are scored on a curve. The highest score, 100, represents the closest philosophical match to your reponses. This is not to say that you and the philosopher are in total agreement. However this is a philosophy that you may want to study further.

1.	Aquinas (100%) Click here for info
2.	St. Augustine (97%) Click here for info
3.	Ockham (87%) Click here for info
4.	Spinoza (68%) Click here for info
5.	Kant (64%) Click here for info
6.	Nel Noddings (64%) Click here for info
7.	Jean-Paul Sartre (59%) Click here for info
8.	Jeremy Bentham (59%) Click here for info
9.	Aristotle (57%) Click here for info
10.	John Stuart Mill (56%) Click here for info
11.	Prescriptivism (50%) Click here for info
12.	Plato (45%) Click here for info
13.	Ayn Rand (38%) Click here for info
14.	Epicureans (36%) Click here for info
15.	Stoics (36%) Click here for info
16.	Nietzsche (32%) Click here for info
17.	Cynics (31%) Click here for info
18.	David Hume (21%) Click here for info
19.	Thomas Hobbes (0%) Click here for info

Find your inner philosopher!

*******************

Possibly the most boring quiz on the face of the earth, but wait until Jake hears about my flirtation with Aquinas!

Night Shift Lullaby

On days like today, I just don't know if I have anything left for cyber space.

Back in the day, aka, before I lived in Chicago, I liked to blog as much as possible. I liked skimming through news wires and scouring websites for things to read and ruminate on and write about. I liked to imagine that these things I jotted down would somehow start revolutions in small towns like Lewistown and Lake Geneva. I liked communicating, even if it was only to a few friends. I liked to write for the sake of writing, all else be damned.

Now, I can't decide. I've been reading so much about so many things lately that the actual thinking takes place so fast that I move on in minutes. Not nearly enough time to sit down and write about them. But mostly, I just want to talk about things with real people. Like my roommate, or neighbor friends, or people I work with. I'm tired of these endless internet conversations. Idle chatter. Vague witless posturing. Blah blah bitty blah. I'm doing it again. Right now. As I type.

I was reading an article in a magazine recently about how voice software and podcasts could be the deathknell of the printed, written word. As if Gutenberg's little project was only a blip on that great big radar of fads. And mostly, it made me want to stand up and tell the magazine to fuck off. So I did. (Well, not the standing up part, that would have been a bit too dramatic, I think.)

Thing is, I don't want there to be an end to the written word. Especially the printed word. I want to be true to books, thick with worn paper and familiar smells, for as long as we both shall live. I want words of mine, to find themselves onto those pages someday. Pages with bindings, and engraved title pages, and fonts not seen 1874.

And there I go again. On so many different levels.

No big truths here. No lessons to live by. No advice for future newlyweds. No parting shots or words of wisdom. Just these things.

Besides, lessons are overrated. And points do more to hide the truth than they can ever hope to reveal.

As for you and me, let's talk again. Or at the very least, write letters.

The Mongoose Has Left The Building

Go ahead and add Camp Michindoh to the growing list of evangelical institutions I've lost confidence in.

I've blogged before about my losing battles NRB, ETS and Focus on the Family. And I've written down my current doubts about Huntington University, too. But that old camp in Hillsdale, MI just got thrown in with the rest. A friend of mine was recently let go from Michindoh for some objectionable blog content on his xanga. And though I won't get into the thick of it (go here for my initial xanga-thoughts last week), I did want to add just a few things.

Even though I don't have much trust for the current administration over at Michindoh, I still don't hold any ill will for their summer camp program. It might not be the old Tom Roots affair it once was, but it's still alive, it's sill kickin', and it still needs good young men and women to make it one of the best programs of its kind in the Midwest. Michindoh sees hundreds of kids every summer come through that front entrance on East Bacon Road, and it shouldn't matter if the CEO is a buffoon -- that program, and the rest of Michindoh, still serves a greater purpose.

So go forth and counsel, you know? Just don't expect me to shed any tears the day Mr. M. finally leaves Michindoh Ministries. It's about time someone new took the helm of that place anyway. Let's just pray it's someone with a little more heart for ministry, and a little more brains for business. Because Lord knows Michindoh could use both these days.

China, China, Everywhere!

China has been all over the news recently -- mostly for free speech abuses. Even though the Chinese constitution officially offers protection of free speech, the Chinese government in Beijing has never done much to protect those rights, as evidenced by recent events in China and the U.S.

First off are accusations against internet giants Yahoo, Microsoft, AOL and Google for censuring the results of their search engines in China. Searches for democracy, Chinese dissidents or references to Tiananmen Square and Tibetan independence are filtered out of search results. Google alone was able to retain a warning telling users when results have been blocked. Google also refuses to provide Chinese users with email accounts and blogs, after reports that Yahoo helped Beijing locate two of its users who used Yahoo to post criticisms of the Chinese government. Both men are serving prison time in China for "uncovering state secrets."

Meanwhile, just yesterday, a group of Communist Party elders and scholars in China published a report criticizing Beijing for its heavy-handed control of the Chinese media. The report offered support for Freezing Point, a weekly supplement to the Communist Party published China Youth Daily newspaper, which was recently ordered to shut down by the Communist Party Propaganda Department. The report called on Chinese President Hu Jintao to stop unconstitutional and illegal repressions of free speech in the Chinese media.

"This constitutes a violation of the constitution," the report said. "In order to control public opinion, they have diminished freedom of speech, made blacklists, and conducted secret investigations. These deeds are ridiculous and rude and totally beyond the boundaries of law."

Officially, the Chinese government claims to only block pornographic or terrorist-related websites. Liu Zhengrong, of the Internet Affairs Bureau of the State Council Information Office, has been quoted as saying, "No one in China has been arrested simply because he or she said something on the Internet....After studying Internet legislation in the West, I've found we basically have identical legislative objectives and principles."

The BBC is quick to point out, however, that there website is still blocked in China.

Finally, dissident critics of the Chinese government have claimed harassment even outside the borders of China. Falun Gong, a spiritual movement extremely critical of Chinese religious and political oppression, says its members have been harassed in South Africa, Hong Kong, Australia, and now the United States.

Peter Yuan Li, a naturalized U.S. citizen, was beaten, tied up and blindfolded in his own home in suburban Atlanta by three Asian men. The men stole two of his laptops, phone and wallet, but left other valuables like his TV and camcorder. Li is a member of Falun Gong, and works for the Web site of the Falun Gong-affiliated newspaper The Epoch Times.

The Chinese government calls The Epoch Times "a propaganda machine of the evil cult," though it denies any involvement with the attack on Li's home. The FBI refuses to comment whether or not they suspect if Beijing was involved.

Just what we need. A little more government stonewalling.

I can't get enough!

Baptist City, Population 16.4 Million

The old school Baptists are having a rough go of it lately. Not only do the Southern Baptists dominate the cultural conversation in America, they dominate church attendance rolls, too, claiming some 16.4 million members. The Baptist denomination my parents grew up in, the American Baptists, has only 1.4 million members, not many of which can be found in the South.

An excerpt from the AP article, which focuses mainly on Baptist congregations in Rhode island:

[J. Stanley] Lemons, the First Baptist historian, is more blunt about the split. He says it upsets him to hear religious figures such as the Rev. Pat Robertson, a Southern Baptist minister, say God will forsake those who oppose teaching "intelligent design" in public schools -- which Lemons views as a violation of [Roger] Williams' unwavering support for church-state separation.

"For these guys to talk about a Christian nation," he said, "Williams would go up in smoke."

For info on Roger Williams, my favorite, crazy Baptist, wikipediathis!