Monday, January 26, 2004

A Last Ditch Effort

I was born on the 8th of September, which makes me a Virgo. And I think I was for a while, but I took a test once that told me I should have been born a Pisces. I think I agree. So here's a little glimpse into me (mostly, because I am too lazy to find something to write about):

The planets are very complex. Maybe your astrologer will disagree, and maybe a few tendencies will vary, but overall you're a PISCES. You've got that water-sign style which is characterized by an emotional and intuitive nature. You have a magical and spiritual presence, which is why Pisces people are said to be "old souls." As a Pisces, you are especially imaginative, artistic and sensitive. A loyal and generous friend, you are also known for being the quintessential romantic. You thrive on change and adapt quickly and effortlessly to new situations. But your tendency toward self-doubt and insecurity leaves you a little overly impressionable. You aim to please and hate to say "no" for fear of disappointing others. A true Pisces is a wonderfully caring and invaluable friend. You are most noted and admired for your abundance of genuine compassion.

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

Musings Before The Storm

If you ever feel like you are about to be fired, do this one thing. Make eye contact. Maybe lean back in your chair, too. But most definitely make eye contact. One of three things will follow.

A) Your confidence will get you nothing. You are still fired, but with the mutual understanding that is was the best for both of you. A good reference should follow, so it's really not nothing. Just not ideal. Plato would agree.

B) Your eyes will talk them out of it. If you can make the conversation embarrassing for them by constant eye contact, they might chicken out. It must be noted, this is under the assumption that one does not wish to get fired. If this is not the case, just get up and walk out. You could try crying and swearing at the top of your lungs, too. That would be memorable. Especially if someone had a camera.

C) Maybe you're not really going to get fired, but your eye contact will assure your supervisor that you understand the situation, grave as it may seem, and that you are interested in fixing it (whether or not this is really the case). Constant eye contact moves the person opposite you to glance around. So it's kind of like a staring contest. Only with consequences.

Sub-collary, leaning back in the chair works only in the initial part of the conversation. It says that you are relaxed even if your supervisor is not. It makes sure you do not start out on the defensive. It says, "Look, I think what you have to say is great, but seriously, I've got alot to do around here without you bothering me. Plus, you bore me. And I don't like your tie. It is ugly. Also, I am soooo relaxed. You should try it sometime. Stupid."

On a totally different topic, I believe our President is giving the State of the Union address tonight. For once, I'd like a President to say to Congress, the Senate, the Cabinet, and the Justices of the Supreme Court, quote, " is my great displeasure to stand before you and announce that the State of the Union is fair to middling." That would be entertaining. And honest. Kind of like the O'Reilly Factor, but totally opposite.

Finally, I am quite ready for spring. I feel like a cast member in a bad Woody Allen member (like Deconstructing Harry). Right now, around the beginning of the third act, everything seems bleak. Everyone knows that problems are unsolvable during a New York winter. But once spring comes, things will fall into place and I will get the girl. "It's these gray days," quoth Bill Pullman.

Central Park in the spring....these things take time. Luckily, I have much to go around.

Friday, January 16, 2004

I Have These Problems.

Oh blog, why do you treat me so...

Civil War Correspondence

I have had nothing to say for a while. Mostly, things do not happen to me here. At the moment, I am trying to do three things.

1) Make my apt look more like a place you would want to live in, rather than a place you have to live in.
2) Read about politics, because i do not understand if i am conservative or liberal.
3) Stop spending money at

So, until I find something to write about, I thought i'd post an email i just sent to a friend who i haven't talked to in a while. I don't think she'd mind, because she is cool like that. It's kind of a general montana introduction. Like Jonny's Life 101. Nothing too deep, just a general overview. Enjoy.

"anonymous friend [it really doesn't say that],

no, i haven't found someone to mooch off of in a log cabin in montana and write, write, write until my fingers bled and my brain...well, bled, too. i think if i did, i'd spend alot more time doing nothing than actually writing, so what i have now is good, too. i work for a boys and girls club in lewistown, MT, which is in the dead center of the state. i found the position through Americorps, and started in september. it has been a great time so far, boring lots of the time (the town is all of 5,000 people), but i have fun working with the kids, mostly 1-6 graders, after school. i am the "technology director", which basically means i run the computer lab, which is a stretch for me, becuase i don't know a whole lot about computers. but i've learned so much so far. i also do various other odd jobs like tutoring, grant researching, and secretarial work. i am much like that robot/maid from the jetsons, except i have feelings and can get hungry.

though i am not going to grad school, i have been to missoula a few times so far, because that's where i've got to go for my Americorps bitching sessions (they're supposed to be for training, but we really complain about things most of the time). i have not gotten married yet, though my brother david is getting married in may. that is weird, but good. i tried out the whole "let's talk about marriage in the abstract" thing last year at college with a girl, but have decided that that's as far as i'm willing to go for now. i did get to see Jack and Sarah Jones in oregon for thanksgiving, though, and that partially restored my hope that marriage is good, and not evil. i have no pets, either. mostly because i live in an apt, and i'm very bad with things like hampsters, fish, and even plants. if they don't talk (in an audible animal sort of way), i forget they are there, and they die. which is bad. so i don't do that. i have gone bowling with the kids for Club a couple of times, but that's it.

there is this song by a guy from seattle named Damien Jurado entitled "yuma, arizona." it has horns in it.

your job sounds like it is good (vs. bad). [edited: blather about a job that has to do with teaching]. i've met a few of the teachers here, and they are weird. not bad people, just montanian. in general, people in montana are funny. only i can't laugh at them while i'm around them because they might get offended. they don't get my jokes, and they're jokes aren't funny, but sometimes when i laugh after they tell a joke, it's not because the joke is funny, but because they are funny. and they don't know that i'm laughing at them (in a good natured, endearing way).

well, that is all for right now. tell me more about why you moved away from [un-named sate]. and why you wanted to go [un-named direction] in the first place. i will tell you more about my why next time. nacha doches. (i am not sure what that means, it just sounded apropriate.)


Friday, January 02, 2004

The Virus In All Of Us

It is friday. And I am sick.

Being sick does funny things to me. The sickness in this instance is a cold. That makes the medicine these off-brand liquid gel caps. Which I love. I guess it's these amazing little caplets that make being sick funny, and not the actual blahs themselves.

Perception becomes a bit distorted under their wonderful influence. I feel like everyone has something incredibly important to say, even if they're only making small talk. I feel like watching test screen patterns, or staring at those 3-D pictures that I haven't been able to see since the 8th grade when I got glasses. I feel like I could float away at any moment. I start to resent being tethered to the ground. And I also have a hard time thinking. Even simple tasks become downright confusing. I'm like Charlton Heston at the end of Bowling for Columbine. Except in my case it's more funny than sad and disturbing.

Yesterday, in spite of all this, I decided I needed to drive to Target. What makes that drive unique for me is that Target is two hours away. Oi! And the snow! It's everywhere. Which should make the drive even longer. But my special pills also rid me of anything resembling fear or self-survival. Fight or flight becomes sit down and day-dream. I'm invincible.

So I get to Target in one piece, and pull out this shopping list. I get what I need and go. Or at least I try. I notice I missed a few things. So I stop by K-Mart, which is on the way to Borders. I get what I need and go. Almost.

After a quick stop at Wal-Mart, I finally get to Borders. And just die for a couple hours. I'm sure I read things, because I was in there for a couple hours. Later, I stopped to get a coffee, asked for a double espresso for the ride home, then forgot to fill it up with actual coffee. I was out in my car before I noticed it, and too embarrassed to go back in and fill my cup. So I bought another cup at Barnes and Noble. Not before one last stop at Target to get a toothbrush.

Did I mention how sick I was?

One time, I really did find money on the ground. And I kept it. I think I spent it on an oil change.