Friday, February 09, 2007

Caught Up

Musings on sticking around for the main event

I was thinking some about the Rapture today; not the band but the eschatological event, and I was kind of hoping that if there is an actual Rapture, maybe I could skip it.

It's not that I don't want to meet Jesus in the clouds, that does sound fairly awesome, but moreso that it would be interesting to live in a world where there were no Christians or Christian bookstores or Christian bracelets or even Christian ocelots. Think of all the things you could do if you were the last Christian on earth:

  1. You could have a Christian band, and you'd be the only Christian band on earth. You could cover every song by DC Talk and the Newsboys and Phillips, Craig and Dean and Zao and no would could tell you not to because they'd all be in heaven and you could tell them to shut the hell and they'd have to obey because they couldn't talk back.
  2. You could be on all the talk shows and talking heads shows as the last living expert on Christianity. You could probably run for governor of Alabama or North Dakota on the Christian ticket and still stand a good chance of winning. You could run for president and most likely lose but still garner enough votes to find yourself in a cabinet position. Mostly, politics would be a hoot, at least for those first three-and-a-half years.
  3. Then there's the Tribulation. Okay, that might suck. But, if I played my cards right, I might be able to land myself a spot on the Tribulation Force, and get to shoot rocket-propelled grenades at the Anti-Christ, who would be my good buddy from the old cabinet days. He's most likely a dick anyways, so the whole rocket thing might not be so bad.
  4. Two words: Bible Smuggler. I could be the next Brother Andrew!
  5. That's all I got. Except maybe I would push for Armageddon to happen on the moon, because that does sound pretty sweet. Moon Wars!
The End

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

My inaugural address at the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead, after I have raptured out

billions! The Secret Rapture soon, by my hand!
Read My Inaugural Address


Your jaw will drop!