Day at the Beach

Al Sharpton and Pat Robertson, reverends both, are appearing in a new commercial this week speaking up about the need to save our planet. In suits. On a couch. At the beach.

CBS News and 60 Minutes are reporting that Al Gore's non-profit Alliance for Climate Protection has hired the ad team behind Geico's Cavemen and Gecko commercials to create a series of ads that will bring climate change to the forefront of this year's election. The tongue-in-cheek ads will feature other odd pairings, such as Toby Keith and the Dixie Chicks, and Nancy Pelosi and Newt Gingrich, in order to start a new, national conversation on climate change and environmental stewardship as the two major parties gear up for their summer conventions.

Below is the 60 Minutes story from earlier tonight that has a short preview of the Robertson/Sharpton pairing, at about 5:08 into the clip. It's not much, but I'm sure the videos will be up on YouTube soon enough. What I've seen so far looks like good stuff. It's yet to be seen how it will affect voters come November -- there's no doubt that Obama/Clinton will be vocal about it, but McCain is no stranger to speaking out against global warming either. Will he toe the "business first" line in order to stay pally-pals with Bush/Cheney and the editorial page of the Wall Street Journal? If McCain and the GOP really want to make some noise before the convention, it might not be a bad idea to come out with a strong position either way.

A Sort-Of Framework: What It Means for Me to Blog in 2008

Why we type, at least part of the time. Mostly though, it's just for giggles.

If I'm up for it, alot is going to be said this year. And throughout all the bitching, and all the snark, and all the times I try to be funny or ironic or smarter than the world, I thought it might be nice to explain why I care about these things I type about. Why I care about elections and the elected and the function and responsibilities of the electors. Essentially, why I give a crap.

If there's one thing I want people to take away from whatever BS goes up on this blog, I guess it's this:

There is a thing called government, and it is a tool -- a means to an end. Government isn't inherently good, and government isn't inherently evil. It's a result of Evil to be sure. We wouldn't need it were we still living in the paradise of Eden. But it's a result of Good, too. We wouldn't have created it unless we saw in it some temporary relief from lawlessness and disorder. A democratic government is only as good as its people. And that's a plain fact. We get out of government what we put into it.

To wit, the government is the people. It is chosen by us, in a remarkable process of the popular vote (well, in most cases). It acts for us, legislating and executing laws on our behalf. And in the end, it is answerable only to the people. We are it and it is us. And when we grow tired of it, we tear it down and elect a new one, without a shot being fired. This is what we do every presidential election. We either confirm the status quo or reject it by brining in someone new. A bloodless revolution every four years.

My view of government has been evolving in fits and spurts for some time now. With all this rhetoric, it's easy to assume I've adopted a populist point of view. And maybe you'd be right. But mostly you'd be wrong. My view of government has less to do with the Roosevelts of the world, and more to do with the Calvins and Luthers. It's Judeo-Christian to be sure, but it's Reformed as well. My view of government is one that says the people have a right and a responsibility to stand up to the Great Powers of the world and say, "Sit down and shuttup. You are not our authorities, our representatives or our judges. We walk with you as long as you walk with us. The only power you have is what we give you. And should you cross us, we will tear you a new one. Then doodle funny little cartoons about how stupid you are. Because seriously. You are stupid."

Essentially, the purpose of government is to stand against tyranny -- in any form. 250 years ago, that meant the tyranny of Mother England. Unrepresented in Parliament, the people of the American colonies revolted. Today that might mean the tyranny of the few over the many. The tyrannies of excessive wealth and corporate greed, consolidated media and big business, corporations who tell us how to live our lives but who in no way represent us or our best interests. If the Founders had seen what unchecked business could do to their nation, they'd be aghast, Jefferson and Hamilton alike (for all their differences).

Anyone who knew me five or six years ago would have thought I was interested in theology mostly, and maybe a few other things from time to time. And theology still has a strong hold over me. But my reasons for asking the "Big Questions" have shifted somewhat. In the day, I asked the questions out of curiosity. Not enough people were asking them, so I thought, " Why not me?"

Now I ask the questions out of a desire for proper praxis. I want to know how to live rightly in 21st century America. Also, I want to know if that's even a possibility. And living rightly, in a political sense, brings up different questions than "Does God know the future?" or "Is there a magic way to read the Bible so that we all agree on every issue?" (And don't try to kid yourself; if you live and work in America, you're already a politically active person. The act of owning property or goods or simply buying milk and where you buy it are all political acts.)

And I want to know what it means -- both politically and theologically -- what it means to own land, and what it means to purchase items others have made, and what it means to buy milk at Kroger rather than IGA, or 2% rather than skim, or organic rather than conventional. And if you don't think your theology informs all those decisions, then it's time to rethink your theology.

Of course, exploring these issues brings up loads of hypocrisy. But that's only human. We believe in things so deeply at times, that it's hard to bring our praxis (our actions) up to speed with our doxis (our beliefs) in the midst of a fallen world. But just because it's a hard thing, doesn't mean it's a futile thing. We try because we must. We try because we're people, because we don't get things right the first time or the second time or the third time. Because we know that even though we may never get things right, we learn something new and something powerful and something useful every time we fail. And we become better people for it.

And yes. The process of reforming our government seems like an impossible task sometimes; but that doesn't give us the right to sit back and let someone else take care of it. This little website, in its own small, insignificant way, is my own small, insignificant voice. It is one of many small, insignificant political acts, that I hope add up to something not so small or insignificant. It's my way of saying, "I have a voice, weak though it may be. And it counts for something."

Over the next 10 months, remember that. And remember this, too: Your government functions on your behalf for as long as you would have it. And then, every four years, a revolution happens. Picking a new president isn't a political game, it is the responsibility of the polis, who in our country consent to be governed by others -- others who owe no loyalty to any other nation or institution or corporation, but do what they do for the express purpose of what's right for all of America. In a perfect world, we wouldn't need government....

But you know the rest.

Where We're Headed in 2008

My Year in Review and Other Stories

2007 was so full of fullness that I've decided to extend it for two extra weeks. In doing so, I've also been able to put off my end of the year post until January 12th. Because let's face it. The Gregorian Calendar is a joke.

That being said, 2008 seems promising. I have a new position running a new Boys & Girls Club, and even though it's a little more stressful, it's a little more rewarding as well. It makes me realize that I would have made an alright minister....if it weren't for the whole dealing with dumb Christians thing.

Additionally, I'm writing again, which is fantastic. It's mostly awkward jumps and false starts, but it's really fun awkward jumps and false starts. And that makes all the difference.

But what of the blog? Wither my part in the downfall of Western Civilization? Two things are contributing to the attrition of my blogging commitment. One, I'm writing again. Not blog posts, but actual stories and tales of high seas adventure. Or something along those lines. So I don't have quite so many words left at the end of the day. And two, I still have no computer at home. This means every time I feel like shouting into interwebspace, I have to put my coat and hat on and trudge down to the office. It's not so bad. But we don't heat the place well on the weekends. Which builds character, I guess.

But here's the thing. It's an election year. You're probably not aware of that fact, I'm sure, because no one seems to be covering it. But it's true. And knowing the life cycle of this blog, it definitely peaks in years when we elect a president. In fact, I don't think it would be a stretch to say that the high water mark came in the weeks around and after November 2004. Knowing how much I like to loser, you might be expecting me to wax poetically about Ron Paul or Bill Richardson, both of which are fine public servants, but neither of which have my endorsement. Honestly, nobody has my endorsement at this point, because I hate hate hate political parties, but most especially the two-party system we cling to so dearly in these United States. It's like MLB with two teams and only two teams, playing every day. Like Anaheim and Boston, from here to eternity -- major suckville.

But I will tell you some things. Like how Barack Obama seems like an upstanding young man who might need a couple more terms (and one crushing presidential defeat) before I'd trust him with the keys to the kingdom. Or how John Edwards would make a great Secretary of Labor/Education/Health and Human Services/HUD or possibly even AG....but I'm not sure about president. Or how Hillary nearly won my heart the other day by laying her own heart on the table. Or how John McCain still puts the fear of God in my loins and ought to be Commander-in-Chief (though maybe not Head of State). Or how Mitt Romney gives me the willies. Or how Mike Huckabee is so likable whilst no having no qualifications whatsoever for the office. Or how this field, while more inspiring than 2004, still leaves me wanting.

And we'll talk more about this later. Yes, we will. But 2008 is exciting for other reasons as well:

• 48 days until Spring Training
• Curb Your Enthusiasm Season Six on DVD
  
• Chris Paul in the Summer Olympics
• Two (count 'em, two!) solar eclipses
  
• The Portland Trail Blazers
• Pilot Season/Some kind of WGA settlement
  
• Lots of people will do stupid things. Like crash minivans into buildings where people are trying to do the news.
  

• I'm going to be an uncle.
• I'm going to see the Pacific Ocean again
  

True, baseball is under a cloud of suspicion. True, the Blazers might fall flat just like the Brewers did last August. True, I have no money to get to the West Coast and I'm not sure what uncles actually do.

And true, the writers are still on strike. But that bothers me less and less each day. It goes without saying that I'd like 16 episodes of Lost rather than the 8 that are already in the can, but I can wait for the writers can get a bigger piece of the pie. I can wait for a lot of things. Like Arby's. Which I love, but only get maybe once a year living out in the middle of nowhere.

So the future of blogging looks blogtastic. There's life over at Catfish Haven. New pics will be forthcoming over at the New Xanga. I have plans to get back on the music review horse at some point on Bag-Trends. And who knows, maybe we'll all rediscover theology at some point and revive the olde Midwest Mindset? It is an election year...

So over the past year, I've stuck around in Vermont, tried to make it a little more like home, cut ties with Wisconsin, and found my parents in Tennessee. I've given into freak folk and the New Weird America, and given up on ever trying to like The Trumpet Child or Sky Blue Sky. I've perfected the art of IMDB, and developed a man-crush on everything Judd Apatow. I've lost a few friends to the dangers of email friendships, which happens every year, and is more my fault than the technology's, but geography is a bitch, too. My heart is here in Rutland, mostly, with slivers all the way across these United States, sort of like a scavenger hunt, for heart strings, on Miniclip, and Google Earth.

All that to say, this is the last day of 2007 (lies!). The first day of old things made new. My name is Jonny Rice, I live in Rut-Vegas, I'm not all that concerned with happiness right now, but for blogging's sake, I need to have contempt.

Stephen Colbert and Nacho Cheese Goodness

Did you hear? Stephen Colbert is running for President...but only in South Carolina. However, his campaign is already running afoul of the law and the dirty dirty lawyers who have no sense of humor whatsoever. What downers!

Watch Colbert parse the legalese, all the while telling funny jokes. Warning! Possible Blackberry commercials ahead! This ain't YouTube, folks.

Compromise and moderation are like lima beans....

On why the far Left (and the far Right, for that matter) doesn't understand how a representative democracy actually works:

Liberal Base Proves Trying to Democrats (NY Times)

“There is a tendency in American politics for the people who feel most passionately about an issue, particularly ones that focus on a single issue, to be unrealistic in what a democratic political system can deliver,” Mr. Frank said, “and that can be self-defeating.”

Permanent change is nearly always incremental. If the 2oth Century has taught us anything, it's that revolutions don't always have staying power. Instead, take an inch, take an inch, take an inch. Though the inches might be few and far between, pretty soon, you'll get to where you're going.

Maybe it's not perfect, but what would you rather have? Guillotines?

Cognitive Dissonance

From General George Washington's orders bringing about the Cessation of Hostilities between the United States of America and the King of Great Britain -- Friday, April 18, 1783:

Happy, thrice happy shall they be pronounced hereafter, who have contributed any thing, who have performed the meanest office in erecting this steubendous fabrick of Freedom and Empire on the broad basis of Indipendency; who have assisted in protecting the rights of humane nature and establishing an Asylum for the poor and oppressed of all nations and religions.

The United States of America, that great Asylum for the poor and oppressed of all nations and religions, except if you really are poor and oppressed (and from Mexico):

• INS raids hit home for Northern Nevada families
• Immigration debate revives over local raids
• "This land belongs to God and not to the United States." -- Gilbert Cortez, president of Casa Latina Centro de Informacion

Exit Stage Left

Things still aren't going well in Iraq. While I still believe that we have an obligation to the people of Iraq to clean up the mess we've made, it's time to start asking the hard questions about withdrawal. The NY Times has a piece today with five tough questions we have to answer before we can think of a staged exit. Leaving won't be pretty if things don't get better soon. A complete withdrawal will take months. Casualties will increase sharply as we fight our way out. Over 100,000 Iraqi contractors who having been working for the U.S. will either have to be evacuated and relocated, or left to fend for themselves. Billions of dollars of ammunition and fuel would have to be left behind in a quick withdrawal, further fodder for a broiling civil war. And finally, a massive withdrawal could be the greatest logistical problem the U.S. military has ever seen. No one knows how much it will cost shipping the rest of our personal and equipment back to the States in case of a swift exit. There's nothing easy about a decision to withdraw from Iraq. In fact, the President's "stay-the-course" strategy might be the easier short-term decision. Knowing him, I wouldn't expect President Bush to deal with any of these questions during the remainder of his term.

Our next president will have his/her work cut out for them.

On War

Tomorrow marks the 4th anniversary of the U.S. led invasion of Iraq. Four years and two days ago, I was in Haiti of all places, taking part in service project over spring break. I sat huddled around a radio in Phil and Lonnie Murphy's house, with a dozen other students, listening to President Bush address the nation (and in our case, the world). In that address he made it clear, in no uncertain terms, that the United States was ready to invade Iraq in 48 hours unless Saddam Hussein left the country. He didn't. And three days later, while I was tagging along on a medical clinic somewhere in the Plaine de l'Artibonite east of Port-au-Prince, my nation attacked another nation. I missed the whole thing, until the very next day when we stumbled into the Hotel Montana (not kidding, it really exists) and caught the first images via CNN. We were at war.

It was surreal. I remember Phil being very concerned that Muslims worldwide would view the invasion as a holy war -- Christianity against Islam. I remember our group being divided, between our evangelical love of George W. Bush and our reticence to see America at war. Listening to the president on a transistor radio hundreds of miles from home, it almost felt like we were watching the whole thing from the outside. Viewing those first pictures of war four days later didn't do much to bridge the divide. While we were hanging out with orphans and missionary kids and AIDS patients, our country was blowing people up half a world away. On the flight back, we had to adjust to the fact that we were returning to a campus and a nation where we'd be completely out of the loop. We had to adjust to the fact that when we left, Iraq was just another pesky player in the Axis of Evil, but when we returned, we were bombing the shit out of 'em, throttles wide open, all the way to Baghdad.

I remember two conversations in particular between coming home and Bush's speech from the USS Abraham Lincoln in which he declared an "end of major combat." One with a friend of mine who was initially opposed to the invasion, but who couldn't help cheering along with the Iraqis as the tore down big fucking statues of Saddam Hussein. In those moments, he could see the good we were doing, even though he disagreed with the means whereby which we were doing it. And another conversation in the RichLynn library, with another friend who asked me what I thought of it all. And I, choosing my words oh-so-carefully, trying to express how even though I thought our eagerness to invade before all other avenues were exhausted was hubris in the first degree, I couldn't help feeling that the Iraqi people were better off with Saddam out of the way, ready to start a new life and a new country with freedoms they had only dreamed of.

Four years later I'm driving to Wendy's Old Fashioned Hamburgers in Rutland, Vermont when I see a crowd of 30 or 40 people lined up along the highway, protesting that very same war. And it's so confusing. And maddening. Not to mention disheartening. And infuriating. At this point, I don't think most people even understand what the hell is going on in Iraq. The first war we fought was over by the end of 2003. Then the Insurgency -- but since the 2005 elections, even that has become overshadowed by something more insidious. No longer do terrorists, foreign or domestic, account for the majority of violence in Iraq. A recent Pentagon report puts most of the bloodshed firmly in the hands of sectarian violence, that is to say, acts of violence between the Shia majority and the Sunni minority who held power under Saddam. And all that stands between these two groups and all out civil war, the scale of which could lead to genocide not seen since Rwanda, is the U.S. military.

The fact of the matter is, we're no longer fighting for democracy or liberty or oil or freedom from the terrorists. We're holding back a torrent of violence that certain Sunnis and certain Shiites wish to unleash upon each other, regardless of our presence or non-presence. That's not to say that all Iraqis are ready for civil war. Many just want to provide for their families and live in peace. But I'm sure there were plenty of people who felt like that in Virginia and Illinois and Kansas come 1861.

However, once that kind of war starts, it's impossible to avoid picking sides.

So that's that. I have no great love for our current president or his administration. I have no respect for men who lead our nation to war based on fudged data, half-truths and outright lies. But this so-called "surge" is really our last hope. If it doesn't work, expect this country (Democrat and Republican) to resign itself to its fate, and leave the Iraqis to their own devices. But do not, under any circumstances, expect peace to follow. Expect the violence to continue. Expect the death-toll to rise. And expect us to watch in shame and horror, followed by a number of years of second-guessing and misplaced guilt.

What kind of peace is that?

This war was no Vietnam. But expect the aftermath, should we withdraw now, to be just as devastating.

I don't like this war. I don't like how we were mislead in March of 2003. I don't like how it's been handled ever since. I don't like having my high school friends fight it while I hang out with elementary kids in Vermont. I don't like how a generation of our best and brightest are sacrificing their lives for aims that are about as clear as mud. But we're the bull. And we leveled the china shop. And if don't pick up the pieces, who the hell will?

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Hates Frank Miller

Iran condemns Hollywood war epic (BBC)

So Iran is upset over the portrayal of Persians in Frank Miller' s 300, claiming that after the Iranian revolution in 1979, "Hollywood and cultural authorities in the US initiated studies to figure out how to attack Iranian culture."

If Ahmadinejad knew who Miller was at all, he'd understand that the purpose of this film isn't to "plunder" and "insult" Iran, but to show lots of well-oiled bodies killing and being killed in as graphic and stylish a way as possible. With some T&A thrown in for good measure. This is a film for 14-year-old boys of all ages. Plain and simple.

Starbucks Hates Africans!

Okay, that's not really true. I just like typing scandalous headlines. But it is true that Starbucks make millions, perhaps billions, exploiting coffee growers across our fair blue-green planet, and must be stopped at all costs, up to, and including, dumping coffee from the cup into the trash because even when you ask for "room for cream" they still give you way too much coffee and not enough room for cream. Oh yeah, I'm a damn-hell-ass rebel.

But seriously, if we can, Starbucks is making truckloads of money off of Ethiopian beans, using the nation of Ethiopia as a selling point, and Ethiopia, naturally, wants a piece of the action. Starbucks would probably acquiesce, were Ethiopia not asking for such a huge chunk of said action. Country vs. Company! Oh yeah!

To be fair, Starbucks is a huge buyer of Fair Trade coffee, and that's dandy. But Fair Trade growers are still at the mercy of the buyer. They don't demand a price. They get the "fair" value only if they can find someone nice enough to buy it. Were Ethiopian farmers (or more accurately, the nation) allowed to trademark coffee exports that specifically come from their nation, they could set the price for buyers to use their trademarked beans.

Of course, Starbucks' lawyers don't see it that way. And that's what this'll come down to. The lawyers of the Starbucktopia vs. Ethiopia, which placed 170th out of 177 countries in a recent UN ranking of human development. That doesn't necessarily mean Ethiopians can't afford a good lawyer for themselves, it just means that their farmers need a leg up in the market. Fair Trade? That's nice. But owning the name of the coffee you sweat and toil over? That's fair.

p.s. FYI, those are coffee cherries above, what the coffee bean looks like before being dried and roasted. You learn something new every day! Go tell your friends! Start a revolution!

President Bush Wants To Kill The Muppets, Then Drink Their Blood And Sacrifice Their Flesh To His All-Seeing Sky-God...

...Then Piss In Their Smoldering Eye-Sockets, Then Laugh Maniacally While Outlawing Gay Marriage, So Please Give Us Money (...was that too much?)

President Bush has a budget. A $2.9 trillion budget to keep this country running for another year. And in his budget this year he's made his disdain known for the Corporation of Public Broadcasting, asking for Congress to cut its annual budget by almost 25%. But don't worry about Grover and Company (wait a tic, is Grover still on Sesame Street anymore? all I see is Elmo when I flip by); it's not going to happen for two reasons.

One, we've got a Democratic Congress. And they looooooove PBS. No dice, Mr. President. Those nasty Checks and Balances win again.

And two, no one takes this budget seriously. Not even in the good old days when the Republicans ran the Capital Rotunda.

Actually, when I said this budget was for the next year, I kind of lied. This proposed budget will keep the country running for 365 days from October 2007, when the fiscal year for the federal government actually begins. Basically, the president presents a budget every year on the first Monday of February. The Senate and the House kick it around for a couple of months, add things, delete things, add things, rewrite things, argue loudly, then quietly add a few more things and pass it. The end result looks very different from what the president proposed, but that's just the way things go -- no matter who's in control of Congress.

This president has run up quite the tab since he took office, turning an annual budget surplus (taking in more money than the government could spend) into a sizable annual deficit (spending more money than the government collected). It's all over those books you see propped up in Borders or Barnes and Noble -- you know the ones: Spend That Money, You Big-Government Jackass!; Lies, Lies, Lies and Where the Hell Did Our Surplus Go?; and my personal favorite, Our President is a Great, Big Douchebag Who Spent All Our Children's Money, Right After He Stole the Election and Invaded Iraq to Liberate Their Oil....Douchebag.*

What my point is, is this: Our president is trying to make up for all that spending by presenting a paper-tiger budget with a bunch of cuts that he knows and Congress knows and really everyone in Washington knows will never be passed. With a Republican Congress, maybe you get a few. With a Democratic one, fat chance. But the president has promised to cut the annual budget deficit by the time he leaves office, which in Washington lingo means, "Pretend to try to cut the annual budget deficit, then blame Congress when your pretense fails, thus cementing your legacy as a 'trier' who couldn't get his way, but was basically a good guy with a good heart so please vote for Condi. Please."

And everyone comes out happy. President Bush looks like a tough, fiscal conservative (excuse while I laugh for a few minutes, uncontrollably, until I pass out....okay, I'm back). Democrats in Congress get a fun punching bag to punch to rally the troops 'round. And progressive groups get a few punches in too, raising millions of dollars with which to fight the Evil Empire in the process (the president is taking away Sesame Street and NOVA! give Concerned Citizens against Abstinence and Coal Power craploads of your money!). See, smiles all around.

Cause it's this game. A game that both sides have been playing for a long time. And the funny things is, after all the blustering about killing Grover or Elmo or John McLaughlin, nothing actually changes, except for the hundreds of millions of dollars that change hands during that whole punching process I mentioned above. If we were smart, we'd just ignore this budget, try not to get so pissy, and write a new budget, a better budget, a budget with little hearts and smiley faces drawn in the margins.

But who can resist scaring the crap out of America? They're taking away Elmo for Godsakes! For the actual sake of Christ-crucified, don't you see what we must do! Don't you see why this man in so terrible and evil and wants to rape your country! Don't you see the monstrous overhead it takes to run this non-profit organization that protects you from this evil man, who is wanting to rape your country!

See? Now isn't screaming that so much more satisfying than reason and compromise? I'll say.


*I'm pretty sure those books don't actually exist. They might. I just haven't been inside a Borders for while to either confirm nor deny their physical existence.