Wednesday, January 26, 2005

random thoughts and potent potables, aka, shitface shitsauce

I'd like to think I've grown up since junior high school, but swear words in unlikely phrases are still real funny to me. I'm kind of stupid, I know.

So let's type. First up, the Board of Trustees at my sort-of Alma Mater released a statement yesterday in which they officially decided to get rid of Dr. John Sanders at the end of the 04-05 school year. Feh, no real surprise there. They did hook the guy up with a nice severance deal, where they'll pay him through the 05-06 school year. It's euphemistically called a "sabbatical." In real-people talk, we might call it a "soothing-their-guilt-ridden-conscience type deal." Or possibly just a "covering-their-behinds-when-the-backlash-begins type deal." Either way, I've already declared my intentions to quit 2005.

Moving on from things that matter to things that don't, Paul Giamatti was passed over for an Oscar nomination for his performance in Sideways, which might be the most ridiculous idea wrought by mankind. Of course I'm exaggerating, but please, the man can act like it's nobody's business. I think I just added the Oscars to the list of television events I probably will be skipping this year (other entries include the Super Bowl and the State of the Union). Give me VH1 or 'the N' any day of the week. Just kidding....sort of.

Marginally speaking of our marginally competent government, the Federales have announced that we lost 427 billion dollars this year, and had to borrow it from other countries so as not to bankrupt the United States of America. Good job slaps for everyone!

[Oh yeah, and in case you missed it the White House quietly (but officially) gave up their search for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq a couple of weeks ago. Quitters.]

In other news, Titan is a flammable moon covered with "dirty" ice and natural gas. I was really hoping that it had oxygen to breathe, so that my grandchildren might someday live there. No really, I'm serious. For honest.... Anyways, scientists say it's a good thing there isn't much oxygen, because the entire moon would blow to pieces (like in Star Wars!) if there were. So much for awesome space landings on Saturn's sweetest moon.

So is there any good news today?

Yes! It seems that Rolling Stone will in fact publish Zondervan's print ad for their new Bible, aimed at hipster emo/granola/hip-hop kids. I'd like to think I played a part in this, but who am I kidding. It's the free market that has once again prevailed! If you can't trust corporate account officers, who can you trust? Wait a be honest, I don't really care anymore. Just the fact that Zondervan makes money selling translations of divine revelation makes me want to vomit. I think I need to sit down. Oh wait, I am sitting down. Crap.

But, in spite of all these disappointments, I still had a wonderful yesterday. Firstly, because I checked out a copy of La Boheme from the Lake Geneva Public Library, which makes my ears happy. And secondly, I have bottled mango juice in my fridge from Trader Joe's, which makes me tum-tum happy. Two cds and 36 ounces worth of frothy, operatic, mango-goodness.

I think I just made up a new word. Take that, George W. Bush!

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