Fucking Christmas (a rant in four acts, bibliography included)

Ground Rules

1. Try not to talk too much about the commercialization of the birth of Christ.
2. Try not to rail on how we celebrate the Advent of freaking God-become-Man by spending hundreds of billions of dollars on plastic decorations and toys that will be boxed up in someone's basement five years from now.
3. Try not to call on the complete and total banishment, immediately and with all due haste, of anything Christmas-related until such a time when the Western world wisens up and realizes that people are dying so that they can gas up their SUVs for the trip to Grandma's where they will exchange highly-priced crap made by tiny fingers, not unlike their own children's, only Chinese in origin, which may or may not have been bleeding after a 12-14 hour work day, for possibly 50 cents if they're lucky, so that their family may buy rice for the next day, in order to ward off starvation, all the while not being allowed to worship in whatever way they choose, or criticize their government without fear of being sent to prison camps for "political re-education," sometimes death.

That being said, let's begin.

Some have said that the increased clamor of Christians this year over the de-Christianizing of the holiday season (see, I just did it, too) is due to the vigorous post-election spirit in which Christian votes put Bush back in the White House for four more years. I say that's crap, because I didn't vote for Bush but I'm still pissed as hell about how idiotic this debate about keeping Christ out of Christmas has become.

A school district in New Jersey has banished religious themed songs from its Christmas concerts. In Denver, a Christmas float was banned from a city parade for being too religious (in response, one group of people sand carols throughout the entirety of the parade). Schools in Woodland Illinois almost didn't allow their bus drivers to play Christmas carols over the radio. Towns everywhere are taking down nativity scenes from places of city-owned property. Businesses, even in the South and Midwest, are discouraging employees from wishing customers a "Merry Christmas!" Instead, the more banal "Happy Holidays" will have to do.

And to top it all off, a 9-year-old in Scarborough, Maine came home and told his mom that he felt uncomfortable wishing his friends a "Merry Christmas" while at school.

It's not enough that 75 percent of Americans believe that there is not enough religious emphasis put on the meaning of Christmas. It's not enough that public opinion shouldn't matter a damn when there wouldn't be a Christmas were it not for its "religious emphasis." Is that what we're calling Jesus these days? I didn't get the memo.

The Arguments

Argument A: Christmas was a celebration by the early Christian church commemorating the birth of the Christ child. They believed Christ grew up to be big and strong, said some amazing things, hung out with the losers, healed a few of them, then died. Oh yeah, then he came back to life and floated into heaven. If that's not worth commemorating, I don't what is. Even if you don't buy it all, history tells us that this idea caught on like wildfire in the West, and basically transformed December 25 of the Roman Calendar in the biggest holiday in Europe and the Americas. If you want to celebrate Christmas, you've got to at least mention where it came from -- Christ.

Argument B: The United States has always protected religious freedom (at least, in theory). When most of us in America were Christian, it didn't matter that we might piss off and exclude the Jews around Christmas while celebrating "our nation's faith." But now, it's not just the Jews, it's also peoples of every nationality from all around the globe, especially parts of the globe that don't celebrate Christmas. So far, Argument B is totally lame. But if we had caught on earlier that the state shouldn't promote religion, it would make more sense. Allowing people to sing about Jesus is okay, as long as it's not on federal, state or city property, or has received government, state or city funding. Schools and kids get lumped in because we let the government take over their education. Not a bad idea at the time, but look where it's gotten us today. We can't teach how Christmas began because it would be imposing religion on kids.

Argument C: There is no argument C. But if there were, it would probably follow certain items laid out above in the Ground Rules, which I'm not allowed to discuss.

Who's Right?

I am. You can't talk about the Pilgrims without discussing religious freedom. You can't talk about the birth of our government without discussing God and natural law. You can't talk about the Civil War without discussing religious rationales for slavery. You can't talk about Prohibition without talking about the religious "temperance movement." You can't talk the Cold War without discussing Western critiques of "godless" communist forces. You can't talk about capitalism without discussing conservative appeals to Judeo-Christian individualism. And you can't freaking talk about Christmas without discussing Jesus H. Christ.

There. I'm done.

Sources

U.S. Christians Fight Against Secular Christmas (Reuters)
'Frosty' vs. 'All Ye faithful' (USA Today)
In schools and cities, battles over 'Christ' in Christmas (CSM)